FAQ thread about it/its pronouns and being an agender lesbian:

please keep in mind that any answers here are simply my personal experiences and will not reflect the views of every it/its or neopronoun user! not to mention they/them is much more common for agenders. i will also try to add to this thread as i get more questions in the future

Q: isn’t that demeaning?
A: not for me, no. using labels that were once used to put people down in a positive manner is very empowering, the same way the word queer used to be a slur but is now another identity among many (cont.)

that isn’t to say you should default to it/its for everyone, they/them still functions better when referring to a person of unknown pronouns. just like any label, you should only use it if you know the person you are referring to is comfortable with it/has requested it

Q: but why not use they/them?
A: because i don’t.

Q: but this is all theoretical and doesn’t change anything right?
A: while it is true that i am in a position of privilege where i can think and be open about these sorts of things, that doesn’t mean you have any right to brush aside who i am as a person.

Q: why would you want to be anywhere closer to the boy team anyway?
A: this is less pronoun and more gender, the whole point of being agender and me personally insisting on more gender neutral nouns and pronouns is because i am not on either “team”.

(keep in mind that pronouns and gender are not the same and one does not always equal the other)

Q: but how do i use pronouns i’ve never heard before?
A: if you are a native english speaker, then you have heard and used it before! but here’s a refresher https://pronouny.xyz/pronouns/56ddb2bb6d09ce0e002f959d

Q: but what if i’m not able to remember everyone’s specific pronouns?
A: making mistakes is fine, and it’s not even uncommon for people to stumble over him and her for cis people. but if you make no effort at all to correct yourself or simply don’t care, that’s the issue

Q: weren’t you cis a month ago?
A: don’t think you ever fully know someone

Q: but don’t pronouns refer to biological sex/your chromosomes?
A: boats don’t have chromosomes and are she, that cat you saw the other day didn’t have their genitals visible and was a he, it’s all made up witchcraft anyway who cares

Q: are you trans?
A: since i don’t have a gender, i can’t really be transgender, but since i’m not a woman, i’m not cis. it’s weird. this is just me however, and some agender people do align with being transgender.

Q: how do sexualities apply to non-binary people?
A: agender people can be of most sexualities and apply within most sexualities. since i am a non-binary loving woman/non-binary (nblw/nb), i am a lesbian. my assigned gender at birth (agab) has nothing to do with this.

Q: do you need surgeries/hormones/legal name changes/etc.
A: i am personally comfortable with my body and my name and have no desire to undergo procedures at this moment. this not make me any less of who i am.

Q: is it disrespectful of me to not put my pronouns in my bio/zoom name/email signature/etc.?
A: while it is not a direct act of aggression, it is a bit of a passive way to overuse your privilege that people will just know.

Q: there can’t possibly be this many not-cishet people right?
A: it’s not that people are suddenly getting transed or gayed, it’s that we now live in a very fortunate time where people can be open and not have to worry for their safety as much. we still have a long way to go tho

Q: how does one even know what they are?
A: anyone’s experience with gender is very personal to them, and there’s no one size fits all for knowing who anyone is without them telling you explicitly. even they, people might have to lie for safety because even they don't know yet