what is comphet, and why does it have such an impact on lesbians?

✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩

[an educational thread]
non-lesbians pls rt !!

comphet is shorthand for compulsory heterosexuality, which is something that many lesbians have experienced due to the patriarchal society we live in that essentially centers men and their needs above all. in simple terms, comphet is basically the illusion of being attracted +

to men because you’ve grown up in a heteronormative world in which women are expected to be attracted to men and serve them. it leads many women and people who were afab into thinking that they must be attracted to men in some sort of way, because lesbianism is demonised and +

heterosexuality is obviously pushed into our faces from young. this means that it takes many of us a while to realise that we’re lesbians, because we assume that the supposed ‘attraction’ we’re feeling towards men is real and not actually a result of comphet.

for me, I identified as bisexual for many years before coming to the realisation that I was a lesbian, as I thought I was attracted to men. what I was ACTUALLY feeling thought was a mix of discomfort and fear towards them, which I would misinterpret as ‘butterflies’. I was +

nervous around men because I was uncomfortable, not because I was attracted to them.

this is a common effect of comphet — misinterpreting attraction because growing up, we were only taught that women could be attracted to men.

so why does comphet only affect lesbians?

non-lesbian wlw cannot be affected by comphet because they are, by definition, attracted to men. they do not experience the isolation that we do for existing in a male-orientated society and the disconnect that we feel due to this.

this is not to discredit struggles of non-lesbians, before people come at me for being biphobic; I’m simply saying that the lesbian experience is unique and we have different struggles to you. comphet being one of them.

people also need to realise that the effects of comphet don’t just stop the minute u realise ur a lesbian. it’s a really hard mindset to get out of, when you’ve been conditioned to think that ur role as a woman involves serving men, and to be completely disconnected from that.

feel free to ask questions in the replies if you have any!! and if you’re questioning your sexuality and whether you could be a lesbian experiencing comphet, I recommend reading the ‘am I a lesbian’ masterdoc! it really helped me understand myself. <3