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ok I'm going to make a bigger thread on ADHD Ryan soon but RYAN AKAGI HAVING AN ADHD SHUTDOWN IN BOOK 4 EPISODES 8-10 AND WHY IT'S SO IMPORTANT
Let's start by defining a shutdown. ADHD people tend to experience emotions more intensely than Neurotypical folks do. This means in emotionally distressing situations sometimes our emotions are so intense that we retreat into ourselves an cut off the outside world to avoid them.
Ryan's shutdown starts right after a very emotional moment, a moment where he doesn't let himself cry even though he clearly needs to.
We even get to hear how his voice wavers when he starts tearing up. A common coping mechanism for ADHD people who are prone to emotional outbursts is to go mute when a meltdown or shutdown starts. Credit to Ryan's VA @SekaiEatWorld for this detail! You did an amazing job.
After this tense emotional situation that ends with Ryan suppressing his emotions more, We get an intense action oriented scene where Ryan is acting different than normal.
In all previous scenes like this Ryan responds to the changing situation quickly, usually pulling Min-Gi along with him as he reacts faster. Ryan's ADHD leads him to act on impulse and make decisions faster than his friend.
But here we see Min-Gi have to be the one to pull Ryan along. Ryan seems to be watching everything go down, unable to process his environment and react to it. Ryan doesn't make his usual comments leading me to believe he might have gone temporarily mute
Ryan continues to be unable to make a desicion on what to do, looking around quickly and in a panic. Min has to pull Ryan along and Ryan only acts to follow Min Gi, not making decisions for himself because his thoughts are too disorganized.
Hey gets enough focus after being able to follow and trust Min-Gi to act a little more like himself, asking somewhat unimportant questions and scrambling away from danger, but he's still clearly in an unbalanced emotional state.
It's important to remember that ADHD people, especially adults with ADHD, tend to have coping mechanisms. Given that Ryan is most likely undiagnosed and living in a time when people were more ignorant about it, his probably aren't the healthiest.
Even though Ryan is acting more "normal" you can tell he hasn't quite recovered. Instead of talking through his thought process like normal, he expresses himself more through gestures.
When Ryan does make himself speak again, it's at a point where he is faking normality. This signifies him fighting his shutdown instead of letting himself go through it.
Ryan's shutdown continues into the next episode: The Castle Car
Ryan doesn't have time to recover from one emotionally exhausting situation before being shoved into an even worse one.
Kez's roomate, Morgan the living Castle, is angry and chooses to take it out on Ryan and Min. When frustrated and emotional being pelted with things would be a sensory nightmare and most likely lead to a lot of frustration adding to the pent up negative emotions
We already know Ryan hates feeling trapped (Metaphorically and Physically) so being held captive in a room and crushed against a wall are probably both somewhat triggering for him
Working through pent up emotions for ADHD people is often done through breathing and movements called "Stimming" but here, Ryan's air supply is temporarily cut off and he is unable to move his arms to stim
Ryan then lashes out at Kez. Though he is justified in being upset with her, it is clear that his emotions just need to be channeled into something an right now it's angry words
Ryan goes quiet again after this, similar to before. When Min tries to reach out an touch his shoulder Ryan shrugs him off. Min is clearly concerned but Ryan isn't communicating and doesn't want to be touched (Most likely for sensory reasons, given Ryan is a very tactile person)
Ryan tells Kez to get out of the room, clearly needing space from someone causing a lot of the intense emotions of hurt and frustration. It's not that he hates Kez, it's that he doesn't have the emotional energy to deal with her.
Ryan opts to try to leave the room they are trapped with over trying to get more information. Though this is understandable, it's not typical of Ryan. Ryan is curious and asks a lot of questions usually, but right then he isn't processing information like normal.
Ryan is quiet and only seems to talk to make sarcastic, frustrated jabs.
Then what Ryan does is quietly sit in a chair with his eyes closed. His posture is comfortable and relaxed in a somewhat defeated way. During a shutdown sensory sensitivity goes up and this seems to be his way of coping with that
Sadly, this moment where he finally tries to ride out the shutdown is interrupted by panic at the shocking realization that you can be trapped on the train for years
(continued)
Ryan and Min go to talk to Kez, and Ryan seems very driven to find out more. Having a goal seems to allow him to push aside some of his emotions and the feeling that he's making some form of progress helps relieve some of his frustration
Ryan is still flippant and trailing off when interacting with Kez, still emotionally vulnerable and unable to let himself properly express his intense emotions
Remember how I mentioned frustration being one of the biggest causes of shutdowns and meltdowns? Well what could be more frustrating than a reminder that you haven't made any progress in one of your objectives?
Ryan and Min Gi's numbers reset after the Steward leaves, reminding him he's been stuck at 202. Calling attention to this lack of progress triggers a meltdown
Now what are Meltdowns? When ADHD people suppress their emotions too much, they tend to all come to the surface at once into a large emotional display. The one Ryan experiences is a hysterical meltdown where he laughs uncontrollably.
A hysterical meltdown makes a lot of sense for Ryan's character, given in the art gallery car he expresses that he "has to pretend everything's fine all the time"
But before he can finish letting out these emotions in even the most desperate way, he forces himself back into a "less destructive" shut down and goes mute before self isolating
Ryan is most likely self Isolating for many reasons. Dealing with people could be too much for him right now. He might not want Min to see him emotional and talk down to him, think he's immature, or coddle him. Or he could simply be mute and not want to interact in that state.
This gets very destructive when we see in "Train to nowhere" not only has he isolated, but he's refused food.
Serious talk here to anyone else who self isolates and experiences shutdowns: take. care. of. your. NEEDS!!! If you think you feel awful right now you'll feel so much worse when your hungry, thirsty, and itchy all over from a bad textured shirt.
When we next see Ryan, he is in the same position in a chair as before, this position seems to be the most comfortable for him and be best for his sensory issues.
After expressing he doesn't want to talk (while avoiding eye constant with Min), Ryan hides in a blanket.
Now lets talk about that. The blanket helps muffle sounds, make it darker, and is probably a pleasant texture. All of this probably makes it easier for Ryan to have a conversation with Min
The conversation he has is very emotionally charged, and helps him deal with some pent up guilt that was probably a leading cause in his shutdown: That he considered leaving Min behind when Min was in danger to escape the train
Notice how Ryan continues to avoid eye contact. In an already painful emotional situation most ADHD people wouldn't be able to make eye contact given in general eye contact is difficult for us.
Ryan also breaths very deeply in this scene. As mentioned earlier breathing is one of the best way to help yourself through emotional situations. Ryan's voice also wavers a lot through this showing he's close to tears.
Ryan expresses a lot of self loathing an guilt in this all over a thought. People with ADHD deal with intrusive thoughts often, and repeatedly having upsetting thoughts often teaches people to feel guilty about things they can't control
As Ryan expresses here "The train knew I was garbage, and now so do you" not thought, knew.
Undiagnosed ADHD people often blame themselves for what they cannot do. Because they have no explanation and often compare themselves to peers they often believe that they just aren't as good as people who can focus, control their emotions better, and don't act on impulse
Ryan has grown up compared to Min-Gi, his friend, and internalized many of his ADHD traits as short comings that make him objectively worse than other people
After getting through that hard situation, Ryan retreats back to the comfort of the blanket, clearly not ready to deal with more of his emotions or interact further with Min
What finally gets Ryan out of this is what he connects to the world through best: Music.
Music is a lifesaver for many ADHD people including myself, and judging by Ryan's passion for it, it is something deeply important to him. Hearing Min Gi play his mini-synth after having some time to process is what gets him to choose to leave his isolation
Min here helps Ryan's feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness by validating Ryan's dream of playing a show with him in New York by showing that he wants to do it as well, and by showing he still loves and cares about him
continued again! Sorry this is so long
Min reassuring Ryan that it's ok to have intrusive thoughts and that they don't make him any worse of a person is so sweet and honestly so under-recognized
Also! Min showing that no matter what Ryan does or what emotions he feels he will always stick with him is so sweet and helps Ryan, who hates being alone, finally break out of the shut down and let out his emotions through playing his guitar!
The repetitive motion of strumming being a good stim, how rythm helps ADHD minds focus, how good music helps with sensory issues- Basically guitar is a great way to help Ryan get through his left over emotions
Now why does this matter?
Even as we've made great strides towards ADHD awareness and acceptance, Shutdowns and Meltdowns are still VERY stigmatized. ADHD people are made to feel ashamed of them while also still being pressured to bottle up our emotions
through out this whole sequence Ryan is never made to be a joke or shown to be unreasonable because of how he feels. He is never called childish or talked down to and Min never forces Ryan out of his comfort zone.
Ryan's emotions also aren't shown to be the problem, it's the stressful situation and the fact he doesn't let himself let out his emotions that's the cause of these intense situations.
Infinity Train managed to portray a complex ADHD character with out talking down to, infantalizing, or making fun of them and that's something that is sadly rare. I would like to thank @OweeeeenDennis and the whole staff for doing this and not being afraid to portray a shutdown
Anyway, thanks for reading. Here's Ryan being awesome to show my appreciation!
