Oh my god, this article. Children, gather round and let me explain how hilarious this is to a person like me. You may want to mute this thread. I’ll be here a while. https://twitter.com/orlandosentinel/status/1385581448363716608

First, let me explain. I know Disney is a corporate evil. I am much less a Disney person than I used to be. But I’m still probably more a Disney person than I was. Between pretty much birth (early 70’s) and the early 2000’s WDW was basically my second home town.

And while I haven’t been in years, I still aggressively follow the evolution of WDW because (1) my family and friends still go all the time and (2) I follow YouTubers that go daily.

Wholeness is not a problem at Disney. It has *never* been a problem.

First — let’s be clear — it’s impossible to “ruin” WDW. The sheer magnitude of the place and the variety of stuff on offer means that if you cannot find something you like, it’s because you don’t want to.

But this mouthbreather is very specifically limiting his accusations of “wokeness” almost entirely to the Magic Kingdom. While that’s possibly the most iconic WDW feature, it’s just a drop in the bucket.

So, let’s see what is ruining the Magic Kingdom for him. Is it the ungodly huge crowds? No. Is it the constant changes of classic rides to shoehorn in modern properties? No. Is it the homogenization of decor in place of individual theming? No.

Here’s what Weeble McWeevil is upset about.

1. The human beings who service him while he’s at WDW will not not have to hide tattoos and will be allowed to style their hair how they like and wear uniforms that accommodate their individual needs.

Disney treating its “cast members” a little more like human beings than disposable automatons ruins his immersion. Because part of his fun is the oppression of others? What the actual fuck.

(It’s about this time I’d like to note that Disney cast members once had to win a lawsuit because not being allowed to wear their own underclothes caused medical problems when they got infections from unwashed uniforms.)

2. The updating of the Jungle Cruise and the removal of “Trader Sam.”

For those that don’t know Trader Sam is/was an animatronic that offered to trade shrunken heads for yours. That’s the joke. He’s used as a distraction so boats can stall to allow the boat ahead to unload.

To be clear, the removal of this animatronic — IN 2021 — is so upsetting that the ride will never be the same for him:

(I’d also like to note that Disney has indicated the changes to Jungle Cruise may include some storytelling and world building around the old Adventurers Club that actual Disney theme park geeks will tell you is kind of exciting.)

3. The upcoming re-theme of Splash Mountain from Song of the South (Yes, THAT Song of the South) to The Princess and the Frog.

What Weeble McWeevil is cloaking here is that this is being done to get rid of the painful not-up-for-debate racism of Song of the South’s legacy.

But it’s not just getting rid of the racism that upsets this dude. There’s also #4 — how this reminds him of the previous changes to Pirates of the Caribbean:

Let’s make it perfectly clear what he’s saying because he doesn’t have the gumdrops to be upfront about it. Disney removed the implied rape scenes from the Pirates ride and that means he no longer enjoys it.

If you don’t know, Pirates used to feature scenes where the Pirates chased and kidnapped women to auction them off.

The “joke” of these being one where a less attractive, overweight woman turned the tables and attacked one of them with a broom.

This conservative Christian no longer enjoys Pirates because they took out all the rape. And he can’t stop thinking about the political correctness of accepting that women are people who don’t deserve to serve merely as sexual violence punchlines IN A THEME PARK RIDE.

Again, let’s note that there are people who dislike some of the Pirates changes because they have inelegantly squeezed in characters from the films and it actually does break immersion to see Johnny Depp pop up.

But that doesn’t bother him. It’s the rape removal.

So those are the specifics he cites. I could spend days going into why this is so much bullshit, detailing how the parks have been nickeled and dimed and stripped down over the years in ways that detract from immersion far more than any of this, but let’s not go there.

Because he ends on this little chestnut:

This is the Disney equivalent of “the founding fathers never intended” and it’s just as ignorantly useless. It ignores all of Walt Disney’s bigoted and deeply problematic character traits while simultaneously ignoring his artistic vision.

So all of Walt’s sexism, antisemitism, racism, anti-union and endless other “values” — this dude is on board with all of that. But Walt’s “vision” (which he stated multiple times) was that his parks would be ongoing works in progress — constantly updating and evolving.

So, to review, this Las Vegas sleazebag is upset that 1 of 4 WDW theme parks (the one that caters most to small children) has started to remove its references to rape and racism and is treating its employees like humans.

And he gets to publish this in the ORLANDO SENTINEL.

Because of course he does.

Lastly, I want to note that other articles about this fucknut have referred to the old auction scene from Pirates as the “bride auction.” Because we all know when women are kidnapped by pillaging pirates the implication is to make them “brides.”

So it’s not just this single asshole who doesn’t have the courage to say what he actually means. It’s the vast majority of the people writing about him as well, even those claiming to disagree with him.

Anyway, there are only about a billion more important things going on in the world, but I actually felt this needed to be addressed without all the bullshit cloaked language.

Keep this creep in Las Vegas and out of Florida. We have enough creeps here already.

And, I’ll add this on, since a keen-eyed follower posted it in my replies and it’s worth knowing: https://twitter.com/davecobb/status/1385643348149510148