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Wounds that are yet to heal
A thread
https://letstalkitall.wordpress.com/2021/04/23/wounds-that-are-yet-to-heal/
A thread
https://letstalkitall.wordpress.com/2021/04/23/wounds-that-are-yet-to-heal/
There are things that hurt us so deep that healing seems to take forever, or do we just rush the process of healing...am not really sure. There are events that go beyond physical damage, healing wounds that are emotion takes a certain piece of you and awakens another part of you.
It has been over 6 years since I was raped and I never thought I would find myself writing about it, maybe am almost on the healing level, not yet sure.
It happened when I was 15 years old, and like any other rape survivor I blamed myself for years and its quite funny how my mind made me believe that it never happened until I actually saw him.
At that very second everything came crushing down, what he was wearing, how everything started and the words he said.
"You see now nobody will ever love you, ongowami Sinekhaya Sineke." It was a like a ton of bricks fell on me and I lost myself for that time. I went from one guy to another, just to prove to him that someone can love me, only for me to realize I was doing more damage than good.
You may ask yourself why I never told anyone, well who was going to believe me? With what proof? It will be his word against mine and I was definitely not read to be seen as another 'rape victim'.
I even hate the saying 'rape victim', I refuse to be a 'victim' of a selfish man, instead I refer to myself as a rape survivor because I survived something that many didn't.
Reporting rape is not similar to reporting a burglary, this type of crime requires emotional strength, physical strength and a more than strong support system. Than comes the labelling and judgements the most draining part:
- 'She should have stayed at home'
- 'Why was she wearing that'
- 'He is a good person'
- 'She wanted it'
- 'Why was she drinking'
- 'Why was she wearing that'
- 'He is a good person'
- 'She wanted it'
- 'Why was she drinking'
I have heard so many judgements and labels, and the funny part the same society tells us to talk when something like this happens but when we do, we get judged and labelled. That's the main reason I kept quiet.
I started going to counselling alone, and that's when I knew I was read to talk about it, sadly I was not ready to tell my family. I told a couple of friends and they helped me and supported me.
After that I started offering to talk to anyone who has experienced rape and I was ready to tell my mother. I told her and she's been my pillar.
I went through depression ( https://www.bbrfoundation.org/faq/frequently-asked-questions-about-depression?gclid=Cj0KCQjw0oCDBhCPARIsAII3C_GImDIu69vNoRgoDpzi83sypao9oQapmDIuv5qTAsOAd-3lDeSeQrcaAvZkEALw_wcB), and last year I was told by a therapist that am showing signs of PTSD ( https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967#:~:text=Post%2Dtraumatic%20stress%20disorder%20(PTSD)%20is%20a%20mental%20health,uncontrollable%20thoughts%20about%20the%20event.). However, I did not go further to actually get treatment, am considering going back and just to close this capter.
I have been delaying writing this post because of the judgements I might received but I am ready to answer any questions and this will allow people to understand why I always stand up for the rights of children and women.
To me rape is has taken so much from me and also gave me so much. I lost a part of me, I did things am not proud of, I blamed myself for a thing I had no control over and I lost my teenage years; I had to grow up before time.
However, it also gifted me the ability to help others, to love others, to forgive, it made me grow and to always speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. I now wear my titled crown with so much pride because darling am a survivor.
Rape is a traumatic experience and people deal with it different, no survivor heals the same way as the other. I used poetry as my healing factor and I always tell those few rape survivors I came across to use any hobby their have as their healing factor.
Be it singing, dancing, photography, painting or drawing it helps.
“Rape broke me temporarily, now am a masterpiece of healing and forgiveness, am so strong that it scares, to be a pillar held by gold. ” – Sinekhaya Sineke
“Rape broke me temporarily, now am a masterpiece of healing and forgiveness, am so strong that it scares, to be a pillar held by gold. ” – Sinekhaya Sineke
This thread can be read here: https://letstalkitall.wordpress.com/2021/04/23/wounds-that-are-yet-to-heal/
