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helloooooooo Roy Mustang

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even Alina's SCARF is attracted to him

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love Ben B.'s performance in the first ep, no one has ever given better foot, hand, and back of head performances

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this moment when he asks if she can summon light and she does this confused head shake and he does the tiniest one back, and it's not even mocking or doubtful but more like this involuntary sympathetic physicality because they're so connected ALREADY

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where can one purchase a ridiculously extra goth carriage like this, asking for a friend

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I love them your honor

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THIS IS SO HOT BYE

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it's true and he should say it

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the centuries of PAIN behind those four words, this HURTS

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H O T

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wow they've known each other for 5 minutes and they already want to bang REAL bad

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WHY MUST I BE EMOTIONALLY ATTACKED BY THIS EXACT PHRASE ON EVERY SHIP FRONT

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okay but the face journey he goes on while listening to her talk about the lengths she'd go to not feel alone, it's like watching him find a kindred spirit and fall in love in two seconds flat bYE

they’re really trying SO hard to sell that childhood friends can be romantic, but honestly the more flashbacks of them as children they show the LESS I’m buying it, that trope just makes no sense to me and how they’re doing it isn’t helping

that said Mal is absolutely not a fuckboy so far and I’m finding him endearing (guessing that’s because of the personality overhaul lmao) and their friendship is cute and organic even if I can’t buy the show’s attempts to be like “this is a ~sweeping romance~!!!”

every time I see Kaz I keep thinking of that one tumblr post that’s like “he’s a lethal fighter, he’s got a Past, he’s seen it all, and he’s SIXTEEN” like I know they’re older in the show but please tell me 16yo book Kaz does not own a casino

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believer gf skeptic bf

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would be AWFULLY inconvenient were she to fall in LOVE with a fjerdan then WOULDN'T it

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Alina obsessing over the library instead of going to meet the king or all the other things happening to her fjaklsdjf same girl same

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one could almost say they're....alchemists

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Aleksander's internal monologue be like "lol for NOW"

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just some casual bedroom eyes in the middle of court nbd

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SUN GF HEART EYES BF

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I love that Kaz is holding a goat throughout this whole emotional scene fajdksljsf

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SHE'S ALREADY GOADING HIM WHILE HE'S CHAINING HER UP I'M GONE FOR THEM BYE

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wow they met two minutes ago and they already want to bang, this show is so horny I love it

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she finally got to go in her precious library :')

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THIS PLOT TWIST AFJSDKLJF

HOW many times are they going to make us watch those same three shots of tiny Alina and Mal in that field

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hee hee hee

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HE LOOKS AND SOUNDS LIKE AN EAGER PUPPY HERE WHO ALLOWED THIS

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cackling that he made sure she had a white horse to ride but he's somehow disappointed/surprised she's not wearing ~his~ kefta color jfasdlkjf BOY

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CRUCIAL information for when they [redacted] later

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Jesper/Milo otp

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Alina's never wanted to be a coin so badly in her life

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call me Aleksander he says but he's still calling her Miss Starkov, does someone have a kink they want to share with the class

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I'm talking about my great great great great great grandpa miss starkov I'm absolutely NOT pretending to be my own descendant I sWEAR--

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the black heretic and the sun heretic, sounds hot tbh

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THE WAY SHE CAN'T HOLD HIS GAZE AND HAS TO TAKE A BREATH WHEN HE SAYS HER NAME FOR THE FIRST TIME FAJDKSLFJ

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NOT THE HOT OPENING DOUBLE DOORS THING that's my WEAKNESS

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Mal NO don't use that word

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YEAH HE DOES

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THEY ARE SUCH AN AESTHETIC I'M ASCENDING

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SURE JAN

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no Nina he's very very bad at his job actually starting now

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she doesn't need magic to do that buddy does she afjdlskfj

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I never knew it would be so nice to hear this name finally after hearing KiRiGaN a million times lmao

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THIS REY PARALLEL I CRY

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I ask myself this every episode

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FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT

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SEXY MIDNIGHT NIGHTGOWN WANDERING

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HOT

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WHEN SHE BANISHES THE DARK WITH A TOUCH

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NOT AGAIN I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THIS

THEY BOTH TOLD EACH OTHER THEY WEREN’T ALONE AND CRIED WHY AM I BEING SPECIFICALLY TARGETED IN THIS WAY

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they were absolutely two seconds away from doing it right there on that table before she was like 'lol time for bed!!!'

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HE WANTS HER SO BAD!!!! THE PINING!!!! HE WILL SIT HERE CONSUMED WITH LUST FOR THE REST OF THE EVENING!!!!

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Nina like "can it be??? a good boy??"

it’s so funny how clear it is that the writers know pre-established relationships in fiction generally suck, so they’ve subjected us to a million repetitive flashbacks to make it feel like it’s not pre-established, but the flashbacks are ironically making it more annoying somehow

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if she ends up on a farm after this

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the way the black kefta has turned into a metaphor for her wanting to fuck Aleksander

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THEY'RE CUTE

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Jesper's face afjkdlsjfs

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she really loves wandering into his room while wearing a robe huh

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he DOES find volcra hilarious though afjdsklfsdl

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THIS IS SO DOMESTIC HELP WHY DO THEY LOOK MARRIED

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I love how every time she wants to smooch him real bad she runs away instead, and he knows EXACTLY what she's doing

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I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS TEENAGE-BOY-STYLE BACKPEDALING CONFESSION OF FEELINGS WORKED FJADSLKFJDLSJF

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my interests include ships where the girl initiates the kiss while doing some gentle cheek caressing and the boy is Surprised and Taken Aback but very into it

every time Aleksander says moya tsaritsa in his deep breathy voice all I can imagine is him saying it to Alina, I’ve read way too many fanfics BYE

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if not in love why breathless at the sight of her

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the way he's standing in front of her like a human curtain even though everybody already saw her afjldskjfldsj

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excuse me but how am I NOT supposed to ship this, the laws of physics require me to

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every time they're in a crowded room together they can't stop with the eye fucking it's OBSCENE

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MY HEART

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he is absolutely going to take this info and use it for himself isn't he ajfkldsjlf

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HOW DID HE GET THOSE SO FAST AJFLKDSJLF

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exactly how many contingency plans is Kaz in the habit of making lmao

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they are the mOST EMBARRASSING flirters

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THIS IS SUCH A HOT KISS I'M GOING TO NEED SOMEONE TO FETCH MY SMELLING SALTS

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THIGH GRAB THIGH GRAB THIGH GRAB

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the precise way he groans just before pulling back and asking this I am

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the way he starts to leave and then he HAS to come back for a kiss, he really is so far gone despite himself

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*surprised pikachu face*

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and that was very sexy of him

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Benjamin's time doing picture of dorian gray coming in very handy I see

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she did it for Kaz

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this is a totally chill and 100% power-hungry thing to say mhm

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THIS PART AFJSKDLJFLS

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okay but this was rude, he can be a lonely eternal boy AND be planning magical world destruction, he contains multitudes BAGHRA

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I love that the first time we see him lose his shit, it's when someone mentions killing Alina afjslkdf

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that was embarrassing luv

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helnik out here reenacting titanic except angry and backwards

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so what you're SAYING is...you noticed his muscles

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when he's all arrogant but doing it to come to Alina's defense it's even hotter somehow

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can't believe this entire scene exists JUST to hint very heavily that it's not only about power jfaskdlfja

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that is very sexy of them

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HE REALLY IS A TURBOVIRGIN i love him so much

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scared you're going to DEFLOWER him

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I love this big himbo virgin witch hunter

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girl, same

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THEY'RE REALLY GIVING ME HUDDLING FOR WARMTH COMPLETE WITH THE CLASSIC 'STOP WIGGLING' I AM ASCENDING

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why you always lyin'

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I don't understand why they left this line in because it doesn't fit show!Mal or their relationship in the show at all (and that's a good thing; why ruin it with this line afjklsdf)

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OF COURSE THEY WOKE UP CUDDLING AND THEN HE SCRAMBLES AWAY

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someone got a B O N E R

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Nina doing the lord's work

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she is physically incapable of insulting Matthias without also commenting on how huge and muscular he is at the same time jfalksjsd

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a big softie apparently fjalksjdlf

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oh man, I was NOT expecting to get this character interaction

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not only does he look gut-punched but he looks like he's CRYING????? sending ben my therapy bills for this performance as we SPEAK

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o m g that was HOT afjsklfdsj has ANYONE figured out a way to survive the cut before

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this dynamic is so exactly my type I'm feeling so attacked right now

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WHAT IT COSTS HIM TO ADMIT THIS B Y E

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breaking news: giant himbo man doesn't know what liking a girl feels like

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HOW CAN THEY BE SO SEXY ONE MINUTE THEN SO CUTE THE NEXT

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when you've huddled for warmth naked but you haven't introduces yourselves yet

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me in a fight:

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oh just a hot eternal shadow wizard man I made out with on multiple occasions

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if anyone should've gotten a new made-up name it's this man because he's a completely different character ajfdksljfl

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HE IS SO FUCKING JEALOUS AND HE'S NOT EVEN TRYING TO HIDE IT I'M LIVING

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forgotten to mention this last night but Ben’s line delivery of “I knooOOooow” when they started to tell him the goth carriage was stolen SENT me, and then his reaction to David sticking his finger up, that scene is comedic gold acdjjddj

“he’s not a boy at all” doesn’t hit the same when Aleksander looks an ambiguous 37 instead of 17 or whatever—in showverse Alina seems Very Aware he is A Man and they have a significant experience gap even BEFORE eternity comes into play, so that was a weird choice to me

like yes she did connect to his loneliness and feel empathy and compassion for him but as A Man she wants to bang and not as like “omg this sad sad boy who looks the same age as me”, there was never any confusion on that point so it’s a weird thing to call her out for lmao

okay diving back in to finish this baby up so I can stop avoiding my timeline. once again I am begging netflix to consider weekly releases because I’m not built for binging OR for avoiding social media for any length of time

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LONG-HAIRED FLASHBACK

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o m g it's MARIAN time to cry again about my other doomed heroine/villain ship where one of them kills the other

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the aching TRAGEDY of his line here I'm not okay IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT HE COULD SHARE HIS ENDLESS LIFE with someone who's not his MOM??? I'd wanna destroy the world too tbh!!!!

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is this where darkling is supposed to be a "slur" lmao

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killing a dozen soldiers with one cut, that was VERY sexy of him

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noooooo aleksander don't do human transmutation--I mean merzost, you might end up with a metal arm and a suit of armor brother by accident

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if merzost is so forbidden and terrible why would they just leave the records and instruction of how to do it in the archives, that sounds like a you problem, Baghra

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why is the fold just kind of accidentally bursting out of his body so funny to me ajfkdsljflsdjfl

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excuse me mr. brekker I see you not being able to look away as Inej unbuttons her shirt

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these boys are so useless poor Inej has to stitch her OWN WOUND????

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I say again I love them your honor

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it's really funny how Alina thinks going to the stag herself is a brilliant plan and not a dumb plan that will clearly backfire and lead Aleksander right to both her AND the stag

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this is an ears appreciation post because they're really cute

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you know what happens when you assume

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well this is going to end well, she can just take this enormous stag with her physically everywhere she goes :))))))

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THE WAY HE COMES FLYING IN LIKE A BAT FAJDSKLFJLASD (you really can't see shit in this screencap, sorry lmao)

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thank you Alina for having the power of light to light up this dark as shit scene so we can see what's happening lmao

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oh how the turntables

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okay but Alina calling him a murderer over a stag that she was planning to kill herself just 5 minutes earlier is really funny afjsdkflsj

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love this emotional constipation

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ROMANCE

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I LOVE HOW THEY'RE ACTING LIKE BITTER EXES WHO KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO AIM THEIR WORDS TO HURT EACH OTHER

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THIS IS IT!!!!! this is THE dynamic!!!!!! every other dynamic go home!!!!!

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NOT HIM CROUCHING DOWN TO BE AT EYE LEVEL IN HIS BIG BLACK CLOAK WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES HOLDING OUT HIS HANDS WITH A PROPOSAL I CAN'T GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN

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WAIT I always thought the collar was just like an antler necklace that was too small to come off over her head???? WHY DID IT FUSE INTO HER SKIN AFJSDKLFJSLADJ WHAT IS THIS

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okay that was a really fucking weird and totally unnecessary bit of body horror they just added for no reason, whose terrible idea was this?????

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this shot ajfsdkljffjs Aleksander's like I am just standing here

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how many times do I have to tell you people I'm a man of my word but I'm also like some mischievous fae waiting to entrap you with the unspoken loopholes in every promise I make

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thank you Mal for calling him his hottest title

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THIS IS SO HOT GOODBYE

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the fact that he's eternal and thus he has eternal patience is extremely sexy and should make everyone's minds go to sexy places in this essay I will--

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THIS CONCEPT IS MY SHIPPING SIREN CALL I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO RESIST IT

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this show REALLY loves goats

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half of Ben's performance is a comedy I SWEAR

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that single slow eyebrow raise WHEW he has nEVER LOOKED HOTTER

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OKAY MR. FAE MAN

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Alina no you don't understand I didn't mean for the Fold to come out like explosive diarrhea it was an aCCIDENT--

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NO THIS HURTS LOVERS TO ENEMIES IS TOO PAINFUL I DON'T WANT THIS

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110% convinced Benjamin took this role JUST so he could ensure this line was said with tears in Aleksander's eyes

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I’m not sure if this just applied to the kefta but I thought in the books he never actually got to see Alina in black so I love how the show is seizing like every opportunity to put her in multiple black outfits just for the aesthetic, it’s HOT

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he is SO smug boy you were fully crying two minutes ago

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would someone please tell them they are in PUBLIC

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I never lied to you Alina, I never said I DIDN'T think volcra were hilarious

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this height difference is so SO good

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HIS SHOULDERS TAKE UP THE WHOLE ROOM

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THEY ARE IN LOVE

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THE STAR-CROSSED OF IT ALL

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the little Inside Out men inside his head are running around screaming GIRLGIRLGIRL

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this looks like the himbo turbovirgin finally learned how to flirt back but he's in fact just being achingly sincere and that's everything you need to know about Matthias

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they are PERFECT for each other

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HER HEART IS POUNDING FOR THE ENEMY

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Inej just casually noticing, catching, and disarming Mal with such complete quiet that neither Mal, Jesper, nor Kaz even notice jfaklsdjfs AN ICON

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Mal is a crow now fjaslkfjd

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oh my saints I am SHOCKED and APPALLED that this man who tap dances carefully around the truth and betrayed me before has betrayed me AGAIN who could have seen this coming

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FINALLY the atrocities I was PROMISED

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wait so if you go into the Fold you don’t turn into a volcra but if the Fold goes into you, you do, is that how this works

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second time we see him truly losing his shit and it's over someone threatening to kill her again byyyyye

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Mal’s plan to shoot his way across a shipful of Grisha with one tiny gun all by himself was so monumentally stupid I think he might be a himbo too

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500 years too late on that one ma'am lmao

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who would win in a fight: one eternal shadowy boy or one stabby girl

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I just think this was very sexy of him

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well well well if it isn't the consequences of my own actions

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SANKTA ALINA!!!!

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somehow the more unhinged he looks the sexier he looks, I don't understand this power

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the scene where Aleksander and Mal are just decking each other in the face with fists and elbows, no powers involved, is giving me such Ben Solo brawler vibes IT’S HOT

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okay that was a good comeback though afjksldjf

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they're SO cute

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HE ACTUALLY SAID IT :')