hey, can i say something that& #39;s inside my heart? -- A THREAD i can& #39;t believe making

okay so basically i dreamt about meeting my ex again. you remembered when i said that i wanna hug him tight when i see him again? well, that& #39;s exactly what i did; i hugged him in the middle of +
the crowd. oh i forgot to mention that my ex is a year younger than me.

it got me when i was running an errand. i was kinda sorta sad because of it. and then there& #39;s han& #39;s skz record. i enjoyed it, of course. then i decided to replay it to see the lyrics and +
i legit went HOLY SHIT why is this so relatable to the story of me and my ex. here are the parts i deemed to portray it well. (ok i know it& #39;s refers to & #39;your name& #39; but there were parts where i can relate to regardless)
1. we were two peas in a pod before something tragic happened. initially it wasn& #39;t that tragic, but time and the truth about him made it the most fucked up way someone was ghosted. +
tw // mental illness , medicine

2. and u wanna know why my ex ghosted me without any explanation? long story short he got mentally fucked and went under medication. now he withdrew and his brain will eventually shrink, in which i thought that he& #39;ll lose his memory. +
tw // mental illness , medicine2. and u wanna know why my ex ghosted me without any explanation? long story short he got mentally fucked and went under medication. now he withdrew and his brain will eventually shrink, in which i thought that he& #39;ll lose his memory. +
tw // mental illness , medicine2. and u wanna know why my ex ghosted me without any explanation? long story short he got mentally fucked and went under medication. now he withdrew and his brain will eventually shrink, in which i thought that he& #39;ll lose his memory. +
about himself, his family, mid school friends (high school ppl were shit; in fact they& #39;re the reason he& #39;s like this), and probably about me. the day his sis told me about it, i deleted ALL photos with him i was that sad. even then there are some photos here and there +
of us (not on my phone). why? i tried to forget about him but failed miserably, so i tried to remember him since i doubt that he& #39;ll remember anything.

actually ya know what i still have a crap ton of our pics on my ig archive https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Gesicht mit FreudentrĂ€nen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit FreudentrĂ€nen">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Gesicht mit FreudentrĂ€nen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit FreudentrĂ€nen"> there& #39;s no point in deleting that tho .-. +
3. i felt like there& #39;s a special odor that was attached to whichever classroom my ex was in. it smells quite nice. i asked everyone else EVEN MY EX about the smell, and NOBODY smelled it except me, which was very fucking weird if you ask me. +
3. i felt like there& #39;s a special odor that was attached to whichever classroom my ex was in. it smells quite nice. i asked everyone else EVEN MY EX about the smell, and NOBODY smelled it except me, which was very fucking weird if you ask me. +
3. i felt like there& #39;s a special odor that was attached to whichever classroom my ex was in. it smells quite nice. i asked everyone else EVEN MY EX about the smell, and NOBODY smelled it except me, which was very fucking weird if you ask me. +
i mean how the actual fuck i was the only one who can smell that odor? got to the point ppl joke about it and went & #39;you can smell it cuz you& #39;re his gf wdym& #39; but NO MATE i smelled that thing even before we knew each other. i wasn& #39;t alone because apparently my nemesis& #39;s crush (my +
nemesis is a guy) also smelled that odor from my ex& #39;s class. i don& #39;t remember the detail of that smell but i vividly remember telling this smell thing to a teacher and he went & #39;you& #39;re joking, i didn& #39;t smell anything& #39;. +
4. well, he was on my mind because i dreamt of him yesterday. what else?
5. as i said before, the reason i tried to remember was because his memories of everything will fade away. i honestly wonder how to get him off my mind, but i was cursed with an eternal guilt because i bashed him at one point. anyway i& #39;ll continue tomorrow after my test +
6. a lil disclaimer, his hands weren& #39;t that small but my hands are thicc hahaha. OKAY BACK TO THE TOPIC. back then, whenever one of us needed support, we held hands. well what do you expect? we couldn& #39;t hug bcs people at my school hated the idea of an unpretty girl having +
6. a lil disclaimer, his hands weren& #39;t that small but my hands are thicc hahaha. OKAY BACK TO THE TOPIC. back then, whenever one of us needed support, we held hands. well what do you expect? we couldn& #39;t hug bcs people at my school hated the idea of an unpretty girl having +
6. a lil disclaimer, his hands weren& #39;t that small but my hands are thicc hahaha. OKAY BACK TO THE TOPIC. back then, whenever one of us needed support, we held hands. well what do you expect? we couldn& #39;t hug bcs people at my school hated the idea of an unpretty girl having +
guy friends, let alone a boyfriend (even if said guy wasn& #39;t that good-looking). we never actually hugged tho, but i& #39;ll probably do when we meet again. +
7. my ex was the reason why my high school life wasn& #39;t that bad of a living hell. and you know what? he thought the same about me. my classmates made his life a massive train wreck (not only in the high school) and apparently made his sister& #39;s house life a really bad one. +
tw // mental illness , bullying , death

his mental state worsen shortly after we& #39;re together, thanks to my shit friends for bullying the shit out of him (fuck you). they want him to die but they were offended when i wish for their death (you dumb fuck). i wish they die tho. +
back to the topic of my ex, he went through all that and said i was the reason. he almost transferred back to his old school at a point, but he decided not to because according to him, i& #39;d be alone. he even told our counselor about this, and i told her that & #39;he& #39;s the reason i +
stay& #39;. i was glad we didn& #39;t get to separate at that time, but here i am years later, actually losing him. he& #39;s already beyond repair at this point. +
8. this is how i literally felt the day i knew why he disappeared. i didn& #39;t sleep until like idk 3 am cuz i was busy crying loudly (i usually try not to cry). i hit rock bottom, remembering those beautiful times with him (which hurt me). i continue later +
9. i tried, but as you can see at times, i can& #39;t. the reason he disappeared was too traumatizing and i won& #39;t be able to forgive the people who made him got to this point. even if they say that they& #39;d do anything, i won& #39;t forgive them. i mean it& #39;s their goal to separate me and +
9. i tried, but as you can see at times, i can& #39;t. the reason he disappeared was too traumatizing and i won& #39;t be able to forgive the people who made him got to this point. even if they say that they& #39;d do anything, i won& #39;t forgive them. i mean it& #39;s their goal to separate me and +
9. i tried, but as you can see at times, i can& #39;t. the reason he disappeared was too traumatizing and i won& #39;t be able to forgive the people who made him got to this point. even if they say that they& #39;d do anything, i won& #39;t forgive them. i mean it& #39;s their goal to separate me and +
9. i tried, but as you can see at times, i can& #39;t. the reason he disappeared was too traumatizing and i won& #39;t be able to forgive the people who made him got to this point. even if they say that they& #39;d do anything, i won& #39;t forgive them. i mean it& #39;s their goal to separate me and +
tw // death

my ex apart. even if that weren& #39;t the motivation, it& #39;s still awful regardless. i don& #39;t think his sister would forgive them too. call me mean, but i hope these heartless mfs die. the want other people to die but when i said & #39;i hope you die& #39; to them, they& #39;re offended +
like wtf. you reap what you sow, you dumb bitch. what if you& #39;re the one treated the way my ex, you wouldn& #39;t like it and told the teachers, right? oh wait, maybe that& #39;s why: the teachers have always defended you regardless of what you& #39;re doing was morally wrong. +
10. i don& #39;t wanna go back to the times when we got treated like total trash. i just wish i can turn everything the way it was: him being the radiant and soft friend that i& #39;ve known before. though i said that he never knows how it feels to be in my shoes, i never knew that +
10. i don& #39;t wanna go back to the times when we got treated like total trash. i just wish i can turn everything the way it was: him being the radiant and soft friend that i& #39;ve known before. though i said that he never knows how it feels to be in my shoes, i never knew that +
10. i don& #39;t wanna go back to the times when we got treated like total trash. i just wish i can turn everything the way it was: him being the radiant and soft friend that i& #39;ve known before. though i said that he never knows how it feels to be in my shoes, i never knew that +
tw // mental illness , bullying

he had suffered for a very long time. AND YOU KNOW WHAT& #39;S MORE FUCKED UP? those heartless mfs actually KNEW about his mental being not so fine, AND THEY STILL PROCEED TO BULLY HIM LIKE THE FUCK?! +
11. when the news about him quitting college broke out, i was more than happy since i thought that i didn& #39;t need to deal with his shit anymore. but the next day her sister told me the reason behind all of this and what led him to this point. i was crushed, i hit rock bottom. +
11. when the news about him quitting college broke out, i was more than happy since i thought that i didn& #39;t need to deal with his shit anymore. but the next day her sister told me the reason behind all of this and what led him to this point. i was crushed, i hit rock bottom. +
11. when the news about him quitting college broke out, i was more than happy since i thought that i didn& #39;t need to deal with his shit anymore. but the next day her sister told me the reason behind all of this and what led him to this point. i was crushed, i hit rock bottom. +
11. when the news about him quitting college broke out, i was more than happy since i thought that i didn& #39;t need to deal with his shit anymore. but the next day her sister told me the reason behind all of this and what led him to this point. i was crushed, i hit rock bottom. +
i went through two sleepless nights just for the sake of crying, hoping the people in my house wouldn& #39;t notice. but alas, it failed hahaha. the first night my grandma noticed (p.s. i don& #39;t live with my mom), and the next night my maid heard it. ah shit... then i had to explain +
how devastated i was with the whole situation, how i felt sorry for him, and how much i want to apologize to him by the time we meet again. it was so devastated i got to the point of dragging my non kpop cousin to my favorite coffee shop (kpop themed) just to tell everything +
to her and have a lil healing session. we were there for HOURS, with our cups of coffee and a bottle of halal soju (sparkling water). well it worked at least hahaha. +
12. no matter how hard we tried to turn back things to the way they should be, we won& #39;t be able to do it. no matter how much i want to see him in a good state, it isn& #39;t likely to happen. even if i meet him again, he& #39;d still not be fine. his health is beyond repair. +
12. no matter how hard we tried to turn back things to the way they should be, we won& #39;t be able to do it. no matter how much i want to see him in a good state, it isn& #39;t likely to happen. even if i meet him again, he& #39;d still not be fine. his health is beyond repair. +
12. no matter how hard we tried to turn back things to the way they should be, we won& #39;t be able to do it. no matter how much i want to see him in a good state, it isn& #39;t likely to happen. even if i meet him again, he& #39;d still not be fine. his health is beyond repair. +
even if i said sorry, it won& #39;t cure him. he& #39;d still be ill. he& #39;d still forget who i am. everything has changed since that day. i wish i could tell him how i felt about him, but the voices in his head might interpret it differently (btw & #39;voices& #39; was also the most relatable +
skz song for this). when we meet again, i wanna hug and cherish him one last time before things tear us apart. my college friend once told me, & #39;mit, even though you said you hate him, i know deep inside you still love him and still care& #39; ngl she& #39;s right tho. +
if i hated him, i wouldn& #39;t relate to this song and wrote this long ass thread. i wouldn& #39;t ask to his sister on how he did amidst all of this mess. i wouldn& #39;t go public and said & #39;i& #39;m not okay& #39; when i usually keep everything inside. i wouldn& #39;t have brought it up on my test. +
13. what do you expect? at this point he shunned himself from his family, let alone from anyone else (including me). even if i deleted all of our pictures on my phone, i still can see our pictures online with the whole insta archive thing and the fact that our principal +
13. what do you expect? at this point he shunned himself from his family, let alone from anyone else (including me). even if i deleted all of our pictures on my phone, i still can see our pictures online with the whole insta archive thing and the fact that our principal +
13. what do you expect? at this point he shunned himself from his family, let alone from anyone else (including me). even if i deleted all of our pictures on my phone, i still can see our pictures online with the whole insta archive thing and the fact that our principal +
13. what do you expect? at this point he shunned himself from his family, let alone from anyone else (including me). even if i deleted all of our pictures on my phone, i still can see our pictures online with the whole insta archive thing and the fact that our principal +
tagged me (sometimes with him too) on the photos she uploaded on facebook. NOT ONLY THAT, we went to this college expo with his sister and another friend. the committee for that expo took some pictures and uploaded it to facebook. guess what was on the cover: a picture of us +
consulting about colleges abroad at one of the stalls. i was shooked when i saw the picture, even though it& #39;s just the picture of our backs. they have a lot of side photos too, which made me even more sad. i regret saying mean things behind him during college times, +
especially during the online class shenanigans. i thought he enjoys this thing because he didn& #39;t have to do things on his own when he& #39;s already 19 at that time. i once ranted on facebook something like & #39;omg grow the fuck up stop hoping for online class, not everyone is as lucky +
as you& #39; (his family isn& #39;t toxic). even when his sister told me that he quitted college and not live in the same house anymore, i went & #39;you said this person and that person are toxic, no, you& #39;re the toxic one, fucker. and now what, you& #39;re disowned now. +
IN YOUR FACE! that& #39;s what you get for not being grateful. you have a wonderful family but you threw them away& #39;. i told some people on how happy i was hearing the news, but as i said, that happiness didn& #39;t last long. i mean cmon the reason is too fucked up how tf should i be +
tw // bullying , dying , death

happy? i& #39;m not those assholes who bullied him to the point he& #39;s dying. i& #39;m not those people who will party when he died; if anything, i& #39;d be the 5th saddest person when that happened ( #1-4 are his family, duh). +
14. for context, we always smile to each other whenever we met. there& #39;s not one face to face session that started off without it (even though one of us wasn& #39;t fine). and now i kinda sorta wished that he can smile again after this whole mess, although this mess will last forever.
14. for context, we always smile to each other whenever we met. there& #39;s not one face to face session that started off without it (even though one of us wasn& #39;t fine). and now i kinda sorta wished that he can smile again after this whole mess, although this mess will last forever.
14. for context, we always smile to each other whenever we met. there& #39;s not one face to face session that started off without it (even though one of us wasn& #39;t fine). and now i kinda sorta wished that he can smile again after this whole mess, although this mess will last forever.
END OF THREAD. thanks for taking the time to read this long ass thread hehehe sorry
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