Being aware of how to criticise your partner is a skill that takes years to master.

My wife has taught me that you gain more when you criticise the situation or the circumstance, but not the person.

1/15

Do not use one dispute as an excuse to bring up a long list of things they have done to hurt you — some you already claimed to have forgiven them for — in the past.

Resolving the issues in a marriage should not be an exercise in character assassination.

2/15

I used to call my wife the Sat Nav.

Our trips to our son's nursery followed the same pattern of conversation every single time.

Turn left here. No wait — wait.

OK, right Solomon. What are you waiting for?

You told me to wait.

Well, you can go now.

I am going..

Yeah, but you could have gone sooner.

Babes.

Ok, ok I'll stop now.

There is a moment of silence before her hand reaches towards me.

What are you—

She flicks the lever near the steering wheel.

You forgot to indicate.

Arrgggh!! I can drive! Why do you ALWAYS do this??

Without realizing it, I have pulled the trigger word for most of our arguments: Always.

In the past, it would cause fights followed by extended silence. Brief hmms and oks until the end of the day, where we are forced to commit to our vow of not going to bed angry at each other

Be careful of "always" being a constant theme of your disputes. It can mean that you have attached a emotion to an issue that has not been resolved,or communicated.

You begin to create judgements about the person, no longer able to separate actions from the person.

6/15

It may be during a simple nursery run or an absent-minded gesture of ungratefulness, but "always" ruins relationships.

The repeated complaints matter. The recurring arguments have significance.

7/15

Asking your partner to stop complaining about a problem without addressing it asks them to stop caring about finding a solution together.

A person gives up mentally before they leave physically.

8/15

My wife thinks she is a DVLA qualified instructor every time she is in a passenger seat, regardless of who drives. She is a project manager in her career, in life and in our household. I know this.

9/15

It was not the constant instructions that bothered me, but the question of my competence, the fact that driving should be peaceful or that I would rather us have a conversation.

She would impact my experience, and I would react by criticizing her.

It was always a cycle of negatives until we communicated and the situation improved. We directed our frustrations at the circumstance, not the person.

11/15

I get too many DM's filled with a list of "alwayses."

He always does this. She always does that..

Always is one of those flags that is such a light shade of red, you mistake it for a white one, and convince yourself you have won.

The reality is, people will change or at least attempt to change for the people they care about. Sometimes, you learn to accept the person you married; we are all damaged goods, with our own flaws and failures.

13/15

Communication — not a cussing match— is how to address those habits that plague a marriage. It's deep. Sometimes you realize an action only serves as an example to highlight the issue, and it's the reaction that needs to change.

14/15

You heal your marriage, by remembering that your problem is the issue, circumstance or situation — that you face together — not with each other.

15/15