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Grew up SBC here in Colorado, and attended church regularly. It was my circle, my network, my people. I was taught—though probably implicitly—that people who went to church were better. Just as our family unit was just a little bit better than others.
Even as I struggled with the concepts of the faith, I accepted without question that the people in that circle were good and well-intentioned. Maybe better and more moral than those who didn’t attend church. I even internalized that about me as I stopped attending, or
Couldn’t keep up with some “quiet time” bible study regimen. Hard to leave that programming behind, when those who supposedly “read the word” daily are better. They just are. Those who can quote from the Bible are better than those who don’t know it.
The other component, of course, that I had no idea about, was the implicit American narrative that accompanied that faith message. Every church I ever attended had American flags and something on the Fourth. Patriotism was a virtue in every single one.
2 grad degrees in American history dislodged much of that. The narrative of my youth no longer fit. So I started to leave, all still assuming the inherent goodness of those who could quote the Bible with ease.
Watched an old TV show last night that recalled the horrors of our “enhanced interrogation” regime under W. Initially, I was sure that would be the breaking point for evangelicals, but to my shock and horror, they approved. In huge numbers.
I tried, without success, to convince white evangelicals that there was no such thing as a “just torture doctrine,” and the irony of them promoting the Mel Gibson torture film at the same time was more than odd. None cared.
Seriously. None of them cared. None could be bothered to question either their fear, or exceptionalism, or blood lust. They just didn’t give a fuck. And while I throw that out, every single one of them cared deeply when I used that word. Not about torturing people. Cursing
Jesus and John Wayne pulls all those pieces together. Support for torture was feature, not bug, just as was their support of Trump. That American narrative (false) that I rejected as a scholar was more important to them than any “love your enemy” bullshit.
Again, my closest WE family and friends would be more upset by the “bullshit” than they ever were about torture. Add to that now, the knowledge of the endemic racism in the church, the abusive patriarchy, the hatred of immigrants—it is a mess.
To be fair, there are many Christians I still admire, and follow many of them here on this machine. These are people who’s belief system challenges them to consider others, including those who don’t look like them, or have other experiences. They help feed the poor
They now challenge their own homo and transphobia. They are seriously asking questions about privilege and wealth. They are deeply concerned about the planet. They believe that Black lives actually matter.
But I have to say that for most of my conservative friends and family in the evangelical world, their faith asks little of them. It is performance art. Instead of worrying about whether or not their faith makes them good, they are concerned with *appearing* good and righteous.
Can’t be bothered to care about voter suppression, but get really angry if you suggest their faith is superficial. Or if you casually use the word “fuck” in a conversation. Or if you are angry about the church.
These are people who attend church often, who can quote verse after verse. They can perform amazing public prayers with breathy and trite phrases. They rarely drink, would never do weed,
These are not those “Easter and Christmas” Christians. They are very likely to be in the church whenever its doors are open. And yet, that faith, that time in the church, does not ask them to address racism, sexism, our climate, poverty, etc.
Sure, they or their church have “ministries” that “minister” to the poor and the other. One told me when I raised the issue of racism, that they had one that was “ministering” to “black churches.” The paternalism was palpable.
They help the people they think deserve their help, and god forbid any of them be angry or resentful. The poor and minority populations should be grateful for this assistance.
We saw it with the BLM protests last summer. Initially sympathetic, the more the protests were associated with black people, the less sympathetic.
There are way smarter people than me addressing this stuff. @socofthesacred and @ndrewwhitehead address the Christian Nationalism part, but I have to say, that is all I see in my conservative friends and family. That national identity is clearly more important than Christ.
@kkdumez’ book broke me, I have to say. Not that it honestly told me much I hadn’t seen at the time, but putting it all in one place was stunning. Same for @robertpjones and White Too Long. It was all there in front of me, and yet...
And all of that reinforces my sense that for so many, this is performance and about self-perception. Even with the receipts in front of them, a complete refusal to even consider that they were contributing not to the solution, but to the problem.
One relative told me she voted for Trump, who she believes to be wicked, “just because GOP.” When I pointed out the enabling of every other republican, “well until we all know Jesus, this will happen,” with 0 reflection that people like her—who do “know” Jesus, voted for wicked
The same one, while completely ignorant of the litany of horrors committed by Trump (supposedly) was up on CRT and the supposed Marxist threat to the church.
I have no idea what to call this performative action. And, in all honesty, I have no idea what to do with the fact that these people are part of the circle that taught me morals and value. Or I thought they did.
