As an international student living in the US, it is very hard right now to live and witness the huge disconnect between my two worlds at this point. While my adopted home attempts to return to normal and my feed is flooded with vaccine pics, my homeland is slowly, but surely..1/n

dying. India is witnessing infections and deaths hitherto unimaginable in our lifetimes. I haven't been able to see my family in 2 years now and am on the verge of cancelling my month-long visit scheduled a week from today. 2/n

Here, while the weather gets warm and sunny and business returns to a semblance of normality, as an Indian, and a fully vaccinated person, it's a weird combination of survivor's guilt, fear, self-loathing & helplessness that I am fighting a losing battle with. 3/n

Since I have been here, I have had 2 of my closest family members pass away. Another one, who is immuno-compromised, is hospitalized. She was the one we were most worried about getting Covid, and my extended family put in every possible effort to keep her safe over this past 4/n

year, but the inevitable has happened. That she got a hospital bed itself is a privilege, with the medical infrastr. situation in India. Both my parents have had a severe case of Covid. My nerves are frayed to the point that I have not been able to function to any reasonable 5/n

degree in terms of work over the past semester. I need a break but my conscience won't allow me to breathe easy, wracked with nerves and guilt. This feels like shouting into the void but I really don't know what to do. 6/n

If you have any advice, or just an understanding nod, I'll take it.

Stay safe people. 7/7