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A-Z of autism from a personal autistic perspective
‘U’s Understanding, underestimation, and unity.
#AutismAcceptanceMonth
#AutismAcceptance
#AutisticPride
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A-Z of autism from a personal autistic perspective
‘U’s Understanding, underestimation, and unity.
#AutismAcceptanceMonth
#AutismAcceptance
#AutisticPride
1/
My understanding of what it means to be autistic has changed significantly since my diagnosis just over 2 years ago.
I’m far more aware of the impact of sensory issues, social interaction and ‘executive function’.
I’d vastly underestimated the amount of ‘work’ I was doing.
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I’m far more aware of the impact of sensory issues, social interaction and ‘executive function’.
I’d vastly underestimated the amount of ‘work’ I was doing.
2/
It’s different for everyone, but for me speaking in a lively, ‘interesting’ way requires great effort.
This became obvious when I was training to be a Deputy Registrar, carrying out wedding ceremonies.
Giving readings the appropriate emotional expression would be effortful.
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This became obvious when I was training to be a Deputy Registrar, carrying out wedding ceremonies.
Giving readings the appropriate emotional expression would be effortful.
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One of the difficult decisions I’ve had to make since getting diagnosed is how to use my finite reserves of energy.
Being post burnout I’m more fatigued than usual and ‘recharging’ takes much longer.
After a lifetime of pushing myself, I’ve become a conscious underachiever.
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Being post burnout I’m more fatigued than usual and ‘recharging’ takes much longer.
After a lifetime of pushing myself, I’ve become a conscious underachiever.
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A compensatory strategy, when I struggled to be accepted as myself, was to develop a career persona.
As a police officer, social worker and academic, professional roles made sure I was listened to.
I was seen as an upstanding member of society, not an unconventional misfit.
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As a police officer, social worker and academic, professional roles made sure I was listened to.
I was seen as an upstanding member of society, not an unconventional misfit.
5/
But when my life started to unravel, just before my autism diagnosis, I faced the challenge of working out who I was.
Not in career terms, or in my professional life, just me, the actual person.
Work had dominated my life to such an extent
I wasn’t sure what else there was.
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Not in career terms, or in my professional life, just me, the actual person.
Work had dominated my life to such an extent
I wasn’t sure what else there was.
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It struck me, after downsizing my career, how much the assumptions made about us are shaped by the kind of work we do.
I used my former ‘professional’ status to defend myself against negative judgments made by the Community Mental Health Team.
It shouldn’t be like this.
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I used my former ‘professional’ status to defend myself against negative judgments made by the Community Mental Health Team.
It shouldn’t be like this.
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I spoke the same language as the #CMHT, and Clinical Commissioning Group, which was how I got my concerns about the service taken seriously.
But I got an unpleasant taste of what it’s like if autistic needs are unacknowledged, and unmet.
I felt unwelcome, and ‘underrated’.
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But I got an unpleasant taste of what it’s like if autistic needs are unacknowledged, and unmet.
I felt unwelcome, and ‘underrated’.
8/
There was a sense in which I should just settle for things that were not going to meet my needs.
I knew that, because I’d already tried them unsuccessfully.
Expecting more put me at risk of being perceived as ‘uppity’, or as someone ‘difficult’ who’d never be satisfied.
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I knew that, because I’d already tried them unsuccessfully.
Expecting more put me at risk of being perceived as ‘uppity’, or as someone ‘difficult’ who’d never be satisfied.
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Ideas about what autistic people are capable of tend to be constrained by ableist assumptions.
And we’re often held back if we’re forced to follow the ‘usual’ set procedures.
When we’re freed up to do things in ways that really suit us, our abilities can come to the fore.
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And we’re often held back if we’re forced to follow the ‘usual’ set procedures.
When we’re freed up to do things in ways that really suit us, our abilities can come to the fore.
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There’s another issue here; the inherent worth of every human being.
Autistic people have the right to be ordinary, and matter just as much.
We shouldn’t have to be exceptional to get accepted.
Whether we’re ambitious, or unambitious, we should be completely unapologetic.
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Autistic people have the right to be ordinary, and matter just as much.
We shouldn’t have to be exceptional to get accepted.
Whether we’re ambitious, or unambitious, we should be completely unapologetic.
11/
As a teenager I used to watch ‘Tales of the Unexpected’ on TV.
This may have been a good preparation for adult life, which proved to be full of twists and turns.
“Learn to expect the unexpected” could easily have become my mantra.
And I’m still constantly being surprised.
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This may have been a good preparation for adult life, which proved to be full of twists and turns.
“Learn to expect the unexpected” could easily have become my mantra.
And I’m still constantly being surprised.
12/
Something else I developed a fascination for was ‘U’ and ‘non-U’ English.
Maybe it had to do with the Lady Di craze.
Lots of people were wearing pie crust collars and minding their Ps and Qs.
“What?” was more upper class than “pardon?”.
People went to the ‘lavatory’.
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Maybe it had to do with the Lady Di craze.
Lots of people were wearing pie crust collars and minding their Ps and Qs.
“What?” was more upper class than “pardon?”.
People went to the ‘lavatory’.
13/
Come to think of it it’s probably because I got a free place at a posh girls’ school.
What I called “dinner” was “lunch”. And what I called “tea” was “dinner” or “supper”.
It was very confusing. And it taught me that language is sometimes used to determine if you ‘belong’.
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What I called “dinner” was “lunch”. And what I called “tea” was “dinner” or “supper”.
It was very confusing. And it taught me that language is sometimes used to determine if you ‘belong’.
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Fitting in socially generally meant trying not to do anything ‘unexpected’.
As I am autistic this was difficult.
Any inexplicable things I said or did could quite easily cause alarm amongst NTs.
Joyful spontaneity gradually got downgraded into unconscious self censorship.
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As I am autistic this was difficult.
Any inexplicable things I said or did could quite easily cause alarm amongst NTs.
Joyful spontaneity gradually got downgraded into unconscious self censorship.
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