This is going to sound bitchy but honestly I'm just so fascinated by this: when you talk about training your pet and people reply, suggesting you use treats, like, I mean, what, what did they think I was training them with? Gold stars? Progress charts? Pep talks? KPI reports?

A big gold trophy to the first through the cat flap

To be fair I do give them pep talks

Ok now I'm actually seriously considering implementing Cat of the Month

Fuck it, life is hard, I'm introducing Cat of the Month

I need to choose their headshots

Employee of the Month headshots should be posed and awkward as hell, so this is PERFECT if Bishop ever wins

There are, of course, endless photos of Baron looking awkward af, but I think this one screams Employee of the Month to me the most?

Or maybe?

Actually that last one is from the Employee Handbook isn't it? Shit, I'm going to make an Employee Handbook aren't I.

I'm... guessing you can't... legally employ an animal... ?