I used to like the word "veggie(s)". It's cute. But I have seen that word so many times in the last 4 days I never wanna see it again.

And stop telling me to give up cheese, stop trying to make no cheese happen, it's not gonna happen. You can pry my cheese from my dead, fat fingers.

My fat studies graduate school ass knows this is all bullshit but I still hate my body yayyyyyyy

If I go back to counting calories, I WILL succomb to the dark side, and no one wants that. And yet, I still hate my body yayyy

No one's gonna chop my tits off at 360 lbs. No doctor's gonna respect me at 360 lbs. No one's gonna date me at 360 lbs. No one's gonna think I'm beautiful at 360 lbs.

And yet if I lose some, I'm just gonna put it and more back on.

I can't win. I wish I could go back to before I read the literature, so I could have some HOPE, but there IS NONE. I should feel empowered in my fatness, but I do NOT. I want to not care, but I will HAVE to lose weight for top surgery.

And don't get me wrong, I will lose the weight. That's not in question. It's just the fact that I will be damaging my body even more and fucking with my set weight so it gets even higher that upsets me.

Now taking applications for a top surgeon who will operate on someone with a BMI of 56.
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Yeah, I thought so.

I love my mom but I also hate her for allowing me to join her in her ever yo-yoing diets when I was in middle school. She fucked up my metabolism and my set weight and I will never be able to fix them.

You made me this way!! Are you happy??

She can't hear me she's dead.

This thread got weird. Anyway, I'm severely morbidly obese and I hate myself and I'd love to not care but I'm gonna need to drop So Many pounds for top surgery and it's gonna fuck my weight up even more and I'm having an existential crisis about it.

OKAY NITE