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My brilliant friend @joylerepsyd has inspired me to use my platform to start a conversation around mental health.
In this thread I’ll share some of my story. If reading this helps even one person, I’ll have accomplished my goal.
In this thread I’ll share some of my story. If reading this helps even one person, I’ll have accomplished my goal.
If I’ve learned anything from Joy, it’s that we all have permission to struggle (& to thrive).
The hardships one person goes through may be vastly different from others but hurt is hurt nonetheless. Suppressing your struggles simply perpetuates them. They don’t just disappear.
The hardships one person goes through may be vastly different from others but hurt is hurt nonetheless. Suppressing your struggles simply perpetuates them. They don’t just disappear.
“Everyone is living a story the outside world knows nothing about. Nullifying your pain does next to nothing to eliminate suffering from the rest of the world. Yet, people do it all the time. Remember: hurt is not a zero-sum game.”
- @joylerepsyd
- @joylerepsyd
I have always been my own worst critic... we’ve all been there, right? You set the bar higher & higher, until you inevitably miss.
But when this happens to you, how do you cope? Does it motivate you? Is it debilitating? Does it make you throw in the towel? Do you blame yourself?
But when this happens to you, how do you cope? Does it motivate you? Is it debilitating? Does it make you throw in the towel? Do you blame yourself?
As a kid I bashed myself ruthlessly. I set unrealistic standards in every aspect of life. I was a 
athlete who played multiple sports at a time, didn’t fuel my body well & often pushed myself too far. I didn’t sleep. I expected A+ grades consistently w/out putting in the work
athlete who played multiple sports at a time, didn’t fuel my body well & often pushed myself too far. I didn’t sleep. I expected A+ grades consistently w/out putting in the work
^None of these things sound too intense, but the combination of them all ultimately pushed me towards my breaking point. It was a fine line, & I made a point of dancing on it as much as I could. Yet to everyone around me, I seemed fine. Because I told myself that I was.
One night when I was 10(?) years old, I walked over to my mom & showed her my hair.
There was a huge bald spot on the top of my head & another running along the nape of my neck. I had pulled it all out.
My mom bawled her eyes out & so did I. I remember it like it was yesterday.
There was a huge bald spot on the top of my head & another running along the nape of my neck. I had pulled it all out.
My mom bawled her eyes out & so did I. I remember it like it was yesterday.
At the time, I had no explanation for what I had done. Not a inkling. I didn’t quite understand why I felt the need to do it, I just knew that I couldn’t help myself. It was an impulse. Every single day, I pulled more & more. At 23, well over a decade later, I still do it...
/not to that extent, but the impulse has persisted. Sometimes wads of hair.. gross, srry (don’t worry-no bald spots)
At this point you may be wondering why I haven’t stopped. Have some self control, right?
I’m a motivated human; if it were simple, I would’ve stopped 13 yrs ago.
At this point you may be wondering why I haven’t stopped. Have some self control, right?
I’m a motivated human; if it were simple, I would’ve stopped 13 yrs ago.
As I’ve gotten older, and have had the good fortune to know brilliant ppl like Joy, I’ve reflected on this situation and many others like it that have had an impact on my life.
Turns out, there’s a diagnosis for this sort of thing. And it’s provided a lot of clarity.
Turns out, there’s a diagnosis for this sort of thing. And it’s provided a lot of clarity.
Trichotillomania is a mental disorder that involves recurrent irresistible urges to pull hair from the scalp (or brows, eyelids, etc.), despite repeated attempts to stop or decrease pulling. Commonly preceded by anxiety, stress, or tension & is classified as obsessive-compulsive.
Symptoms vary. For some the disorder is fairly manageable, but to others it can be entirely overwhelming. All consuming. High stress levels can be a trigger, and it’s more common among ppl with anxiety, depression, or OCD. There is no sure-fire cure over the long-term.
Like w/ anything else, I’ve had good days & bad days. I’m ashamed & have tried to hide my trich for over a decade.
But if I know 1 thing for sure, it’s that nothing can ever be solved by bottling it all up. We need to face things head on. So here I am, facing it. It feels GOOD.
But if I know 1 thing for sure, it’s that nothing can ever be solved by bottling it all up. We need to face things head on. So here I am, facing it. It feels GOOD.
I share this story for 2 reasons:
1. To hopefully help revive much needed convos around mental health
2. As a reminder that mental health issues come in many forms. Some may be “worse” than others, but we all have permission to struggle. If you aren’t, try to help those who are
1. To hopefully help revive much needed convos around mental health
2. As a reminder that mental health issues come in many forms. Some may be “worse” than others, but we all have permission to struggle. If you aren’t, try to help those who are
“Never judge a book by its cover” is a powerful statement on so many levels.
Even the most high-functioning individual could be going through struggles that you’d never guess in your wildest dreams. Always be cognizant of that, & be kind whenever possible (it’s always possible)
Even the most high-functioning individual could be going through struggles that you’d never guess in your wildest dreams. Always be cognizant of that, & be kind whenever possible (it’s always possible)
Lastly, I’m here for anyone reading this if they ever need or want to talk. DMs are open and I mean that. As the saying goes: If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together...
Thanks for reading
Thanks for reading
