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Black and white thinking about Joseph Smith and Mormon truth claims pushed so many of my friends not only out of Mormonism but out of faith in God, period. I really wish believing members pushing all or nothing thinking understood that.
Look, I'm no model example of what Hank Smith wants people to think or do. I love tea. I kiss women and men. I am functionally an agnostic who likes to pray.
But because my family and pivotal spiritual mentors didn't push all or nothing thinking, I am still wrestling with God.
But because my family and pivotal spiritual mentors didn't push all or nothing thinking, I am still wrestling with God.
I still find joy in hearing about my parents' service as mental health specialists (e.g. therapist) for missionaries. I discuss scriptures with my siblings. I pray. I attend Episcopal services and sometimes openly cry at the beauty and humility of their liturgy.
Not coincidentally, some of these family members genuinely ask and listen about my faith questions and my current beliefs. I remember once saying in frustration that the priesthood/temple ban was in all likelihood due to Brigham Young's racism, and to my shock, they nodded.
I've wept to my parents about concerns for LGBTQ Mormon kids. They expressed a lot of nuance about it. They acknowledged policies might change. Either way, they continued to make room in ward choir and at their dinner table and in RS for the trans women in their Utah County ward.
My parents' humility and willingness to acknowledge some uncertainty just highlights what they are certain about: God's love, the worth of souls, and our obligation to care for each other. They have much more traditional testimonies than I ever will again. But we hear each other.
I cannot state enough that their humility and kindness--and the fruits of those things in their lives--make me want to continue my wrestle with God. Even though that path looks so different than what they imagined when they blessed me, baptized me, and took me to the temple.
I understand the desire to come up with the "gotchya" theological slam dunk in defense of our religious heroes. But please--please, just show us we can still be loved with our questions, remind us that God is here with us in our wrestling. God can handle our nuance and questions.
