a long thread of sam winchester and mental illness + nd ( along with sexualities n gender ) headcanons a thread by urs truly :}

[ TW FOR RAPE, ABUSE, DEPRESSIVE THEMES. please note that i am not romanticizing mental illness and nd. i am just interested in this topic. ]

before we start!!!! i am nd and have mental illnesses such as trauma, depression/manic depression and have watched most of the show !! (currently on s13 ep23) i also apologize if it gets hard to read at times !!! i will try my best :] i am rlly passionate abt this !!

(i will not be providing seasons n episodes bc i do not remember so just take my word for it)

trauma and PTSD: ok, it is pretty obvious that sam has a lot of trauma.

there’s the very obvious childhood, and the constant thoughts of being a freak and being afraid that he’s at fault,

theres the manipulation and mind rape (view @bloodfreakish ’s pinned thread),

the constant victim blaming and the ableist phrases targeted against him (view @lesbianwitchsam ’s pinned thread),

gaslighting and betrayal,

the torture and death, and etc., etc.

i just wanted to get this out of the way since it was the most obvious!

OCD: now this hc DID catch my attention !!! for those of you who don’t know, i do love studying and learning about mental illness whenever i can!! so while i don’t think i have ocd, i do have a simple non-harmful understanding of it.

the intrusive thoughts and also-

his cleanliness + some repetitive actions !! (i think he might have repetitive actions,, again, this still is my first viewing of spn. might rewatch after i finish it bc bored)

theres other symtoms of ocd but these are the main stuff i wanted to point out!

ADHD: OKOK IK DEAN MIGHT HAVE A HIGHER CHANCE OF HAVING ADHD BUT HEAR ME OUT I AM A SAM ENTHUSIAST AND I HOPE I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT

so!! there’s obviously hyperfixation on research, but i can also see him getting easily distracted by little things such as fidget-

spinners! tiredness and aggression also play a good knowing role in this!

now of course, there’s a lower chance of sam having adhd, but i’m biased and i somehow believe in this. i might have over analyzed his actions idk

DEPRESSION: this one is also pretty obvious. when having depression, you are mostly unhappy most of your days. your view of yourself is low and you might either distract yourself with other things like shows, music, sleeping, etc., or completely-

feel the worthlessness and give up everything you love for a while.

i completely resonate with sam for this whole reason. i don’t like the depression, but i just felt understood by a character so broken. it’s not amazing, but it’s just understanding and comforting.

there’s also bipolar depression, which is basically when you have periods of high and periods of low. i won’t get into it though.

sam feels constant guilt, shame, low self esteem and maybe sometimes a wonky sleep schedule. as the seasons went on, i believe that his depression got worse as the weight of the world on his back and hell in his mind get heavier.

when sam talked to rowena about lucifer’s true-

face in the impala, i honestly felt happy for him that he found someone he could relate to, who also went through pain and suffering. it’s a shitty experience to go through but at least they weren’t alone (i will die for this ship on god).

now that we’re done with the mental illnesses and nd, i would like to also mention the many headcanons of sexualities and genders of sam !!! theyre all so cool ily all for making these hcs

TRANS/NB SAM: there is no argument for this . this is one of the best hcs ever . idfc if its ftm, mtf, or nonbinary, just fuc king tran s s am ilysm

LESBIAN MTF SAM: I LOVE THIS!!! im not lesbian, but this is a rlly cute hc and im glad y’all love this !! i’m not a firm believer in this but this is rlly awesome woawooaowaowa

GAY/BI/PAN SAM: i will die for pan sam and mlm/nblm sam that is all i have to fucking say holy funk LIKE HES LITERALLY FRUITY U CAN NOT TELL ME OTHERWISE !!!!! U CANNOT LOOK AT ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THIS MF WORE EYELINER , DYED HIS HAIR, AND DATED GUYS IN STANFORD FOR FUCKS

SAKES HE LITCHERALLY DID WEED

XENOGENDER/NEOPRONOUN SAM: not that popular but holy fuck i wish it was !!!!!! he/they/xe sam my beloved

ACE SAM: pretty cool!!! i personally dont believe in this but !!!! its so lovely and ily if u believe in this type of sam

end of thread omfg i literally had this idea in my mind for like. 2 seconds and it took me two fuckibg hours to make . thank u if u made it this far and ily :) pls remember that u are amazing and pretty no matter what !!! again i am not romanticizing illness bc that’s rlly

shitty :/ i just like this topic and even though im bad at explaining !!!!! its just so cool !! i would rather anyone not to have these mental illnesses, fictional or not .

anyways! have a good day/night :)