"You don't look like you have PTSD."

Well, I'm too busy trying to keep my mind occupied so the demons don't take over and make it impossible for me to function, but I'll get right on looking the way you think I should.

"But you are successful, people love you, and you're always smiling!"

I'm someone who struggles every day with a cornucopia symptoms of PTSD, so yes, I've gotten pretty good at hiding behind a mask of "perfection." It's easier than explaining what's going on in my head.

"But you're in therapy, and on meds..."

People see their doctors regularly, and are on blood pressure medicine, but their BP still gets high.

I have good days & bad days. On good days, I can take on the world. On bad days, I can't even muster the energy to watch it burn.

Then there are days where I can't really feel much because the only way I can function is to shut my feelings down completely. There is no magic pill that makes it go away.

And don't get me started on therapy. It's not sunshine and rainbows. Therapy days are my worst days.

By the time I'm done, I'm physically, and emotionally spent, but I still have to go through the motions for my family, and my job. I just have to slap a smile on on power through. And then, at the end of the day, I have to try and go to sleep.

I lay down with part of my mind worried about probably having a nightmare and feeling every bit of it, and the other part of my mind will go through every little mistake I made that day, catastrophizing things that aren’t really a big deal.

My logic knows its not a big deal, but my body reacts nonetheless. Essentially, what I hide behind my smile is a mind that won't shut the fuck up, no matter how hard I try to drown it out. I have to deal with that every single day.

And then here you come, upset because I'm not living up to YOUR goddamn expectations of what YOU think PTSD is, and how I should look and behave. That just makes it SO much easier for me.