There's a difference between calling someone out or in, and hounding them repeatedly, day over day, with messages and social media posts about how they're a bad person and should be cut off from community. Have compassion in your social justice and give people room to grow.

As a friend recently put it, learn the difference between spite and consequences. You weren't always so knowledgeable about social justice, and you once practiced harmful and oppressive behaviours. The only way you got here is because others gave you room to grow.

And, yeah, being pissed off and calling out harm to yourself is legit and valid, but often we invent someone in our head and feel oppressed and harmed on their behalf. Maybe you should be holding space for ppl who are like you once were, fragile and ashamed at their own behavior.

Helping other people unlearn oppressive behavior is going to do a whole lot more good as an ally than contrasting your own virtue against people in your community who fucked up.

There comes a point where upholding "consequences" takes more energy from yourself and your community than it would have for allies to just make room for embarrassment, shame, fragility, growth and transformation. That's where it crosses from consequences into spite.

A former roommate or lover might not be able to ever share a home with you again, but that doesn't mean they should never have a home anywhere in the city again.

Spit venom. Write with a poison pen. Make enemies out of allies, but always give people room to grow, otherwise it's all just self righteousness.