Thread by @RebeccaMJewitt, As of tonight - I have officially finished the Freedom Programme. I [...]

As of tonight - I have officially finished the Freedom Programme. I feel so so proud, it has been incredible.

Thread on my experience of domestic abuse and final thoughts. TW for mentions of DV and SA. 1/

If any of this resonates with you, please consider doing the programme. I won't list everything my partner did but the tactics abusers use are so common. 2/

I have learnt from the programme that his behaviour was never my fault, despite his excuses. Even if I had been perfect - he would have acted the same way. 3/

Abusive men think they are entitled to control and abuse women due to their beliefs informed by the society they live in. Within their head, they have millions of rules - if you stray from them they have to use violence to re-enforce them. 3/

One belief is that women do not have the right to leave them. That is why, in fact, women are ultimately most at risk when they do leave.

In 2020, I escaped an abusive relationship. He then harrassed/stalked me. It was not my first attempt at leaving, but the successful one. 4/

On our very first date, he told me his first girlfriend had emotionally abused him. His second? Even worse. She had him arrested... "for no reason". She went "crazy". Neither were true. They were his first victims. 5/

I can't even begin to list what he did. At the front of my mind though, he would keep me locked in the house, assault me, isolated me, tried to ruin my career, and gaslit me over everything and anything till I didn't trust my own memory. 6/

Almost every time I was due to see a friend, he would mysteriously suddenly find reasons to be angry. He would make me cut out friends I'd had for years over small issues he found.

It seemed some days that he would just sit and stew, looking for reasons to be angry. 7/

If I strayed from his rule, he would become furious. I was so often scared for my life. He would excuse his behaviour because I had started it. Or, he would blame his anger on ADHD or depression. 8/

The truth is - it was never ADHD or depression.

He wasn't actually ever angry.

He was COMPLETELY in control of his behaviour - and made calculated choices to coerce me into doing what he wanted. 9/

If I didn't accept the blame and tried to leave, the tears flowed. Flowers appeared. Promises of changed behaviour. Threats of suicide.

Unfortunately I fell for this, several times.

The apologies eventually stopped, he was confident I wouldn't try to leave again. 10/

Then with the aid of my best friend, I left. She called me and said enough was enough. She had seen what was happening for months and knew it was time to leave. Thank god. Rebecca Murphy - I owe you my life. 11/

The aftermath, as I expected, was worse. He stalked me. He harrassed me on every social media platform he could find. He showed up at my house. Called me from new numbers. He messaged family and friends telling them I hated them and was crazy. 12/

His final move was to blackmail me using my work email address, stating I owed him an explanation for leaving. He wanted me to be scared into responding. I am so grateful that my support network didn't let that happen. 13/

I showed my manager, my parents, and my closest friends the emails. We spoke to solicitors, and finally he left me alone. It was the most calm and relaxed I'd felt in months. 14/

With hindsight, I now know this is likely because he had a previous conviction and arrests against him from when he punched/stalked his ex partner. The last thing he needed was another arrest from a new woman. 15/

Amazingly, I am now in contact with his two previous partners. They had near identical stories to me. He is a serial abuser. He will not change. 16/

Taylor and Vic. Where do I even begin to express how much I love you both? The two of you have been there for me 100% and always picked me up / sanity checked me. I hope you both know how much I appreciate you

17/

Everything he told me about his past was a lie. I think that's the worst bit after leaving - learning the truth. I didn't know anything about him. The closure process was accepting that the real him was a monster, and moving on. 18/

Despite knowing I was not his only victim, I still was blaming myself and wondering if I had pushed him to it. I was crying and breaking down in work when doors slammed or the phone rang. I chose to enter the freedom programme and began therapy. 19/

I now see the tactics he used from day 1 to control me. The gaslighting and lies to prevent me from leaving. No more. And I will not let it happen again. 20/

I won't let him silence me. He will not silence my sisters who he abused before me either. 21/

If you remain loyal to someone with multiple victims coming forward, please evaluate the chances of multiple women lying. You never know what's happening behind closed doors. 22/

Here I am now. With the best friends, an amazing family, and a job I complely adore. I am friends again with EVERYONE he made me delete. I am healed, and have a new lease on life

23/

For any woman reading this thread, I emplore you to submit a Clare's law request if there's even a shred of doubt in your mind.

If you don't know all their previous addresses, someone will give them to you - no questions asked. 24/

Thank you @Sbryanconsult for running the programme. You have completely changed my life

25/

As a final fun tweet to lighten the mood, here's a lil bingo card his exes and I put together after sharing our screenshots. God it's like he had a script!
If you win? Run sis! 26/

Know your worth. Never give up. You aren't alone. 27/27

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