Oooh I normally do not have anything to contribute to fandom drama, but the idea that someone you are not in a relationship with owes it to YOU to come out is very harmful. If someone is in a queer relationshipand/or poly rltnshp it is super super super up to NO ONE but the ppl +

in that relationship to come out or not. There are a lot of factors that go into the decision to come out, & in a poly situation that is more complicated. Safety, all members of the poly relationship agreeing to be out, families, professional careers, simply not being ready etc +

I am bi and enby and I am not out everywhere because of my safety and my career. Not to mention my extended family would ostracize me and my ex would use it in court against me (hi, red states suck). To say that *I* owe it to *you* to come out (or anyone else) because *you* +

have decided it's meaningful and important to *you* for people to do this is harmful. And yeah, I'm some podunk person in the middle of nowhere, not a celebrity. But it's not someone's job to present their queerness in the way that is comfortable for YOU no matter their status. +

It's NO ONE'S obligation to come out when they aren't ready and able - ever. Coming out as queer, as poly is a deeply deeply personal thing.
And sure, we can talk about how "they act like a couple why would you assume they're straight" - that seems to be the biggest argument +

here. I'm not! And tbh I kinda ship ! I said it! I think it's cute! They're darling together! BUT I'm not going to make a spectacle by tagging them and trying to out them. I'm also not going to assume they ARE definitely an item because they've said they're not. +

It's a Schrodinger's cat situation. There is know what of knowing until you open the box and guess what? It isn't my box and it isn't my cat. The box is not even in the same neighborhood as me. It's not up to me. +

But the very personal part for me in this is that by saying queer people owe the community a coming out declaration is incredibly harmful. Not all of us can do that safely. Not all of us want to. Not all of us are ready. Some of us really want to & can't. Be mindful of that. +

Deciding actual people with their own situations & feelings & ideas owe you representation in a specific way that you demand is really harmful. There are lots of actual people that are out to give you representation. If you want fictional representation from media, you can +

demand THAT your way. But they are separate REAL people, not characters, and by making these demands from them and stating that people *should* assume one way or the other and that they *should* come out and conspiring to publicly out people, you are harming not just them but so+

Many others in our community.

That was long and is probably tho ridden, but I'm really sad and angry. This hurts a lot. I was surprised this was even a debate and by some of the ppl I saw engaged in it. [End thread]

I'd like to clarify 1 thing - you can come oit FOR YOURSELF as poly/queer of course in a poly relationship- but to say "yes I'm/we're in a relationship with [name/s]" when they aren't all ready is not okay, which is not something I'm seeing considered.

I know I said end thread but that was a lie. This goes beyond "fandom drama", this is real people and it has a harmful, ugly ripple effect. DO NOT OUT PEOPLE. DO NOT CONFRONT PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIPS, SEXUALITY, GENDER, ETC. If it's not something they are ready to

discuss there is a reason and that reason, however big or small, could not be less of your business. It doesn't make them less valid or queer either. Istg.