You know what will not be included in my tenure review? The terror & everyday experience of being Black having to fulfill duties as a full time faculty member & publish a book while we are under regular attack in this country. Mike Brown was murdered yr I finished PhD + BLM start

In order for that to be recognized in my evaluation, Institutions themselves would have to acknowledge us as humans who live lives that exceed this idea of “productivity” and have different lived experiences, especially the more marginalized (Black, queer, etc.) one is.

Meetings don’t stop. Student appointments don’t. Class teaching doesn’t. Service doesn’t stop (in many cases, if you’re marginalized in your department, it increases, because you’re one of few expected to do a certain type of work). And the research def can’t if want promotion.

I have been fortunate in many ways, to have had a consistent position since finishing PhD, earning fellowships, etc., but that fortune doesn’t usurp the daily experiences and PTSD and other things that factor into my ability to “produce” on a timeline that is mostly inflexible.

This book, however, will be complete by tenure lol. But doesn’t remove any of what I said above.

all of these emails from the Uni speaking to the “injustices” and racism in this country for as long as I’ve had a Uni email but that somehow goes out the window when it comes to evaluating the very faculty who are part of these groups that experience this daily terror.

and the real reality is that it will not even be mentioned in my file, because those things can be deterrents to (many) evaluators who will think you’re trying to make an excuse or who will say “well I did this and I experienced that” — none of it allows for humanity.

If it were not for the NYU Covid extension, I would not have been in a position to make my tenure deadline. Just by a year. After having had a fire, experienced regular harassment and arrests by NYPD, the terror of black existence in this country, still totally expendable.

I’m not supposed to say this out loud, btw. But it’s fine — I’m quite used to music departments inviting me to apply for jobs with no intention of hiring bc they know who I am and where I stand (even though I’m a fantastic colleague), so good thing in a dept that knows/accepts me