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I’ve had a lot of diagnoses in my early adulthood, most recently a diagnosis of ADHD. I’ve been working with a psychiatrist to find the right treatment, and the one I started over spring break (2 weeks ago) seems to be making a wonderful difference. (Thread)
(Interestingly, the way my body has reacted to treatment indicates that my ADHD is pretty severe. 
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In most cases, when I’ve received a late diagnosis, I’ve been grateful to finally have answers. This time, though, I am also filled with rage and grief for of my younger self.
In most cases, when I’ve received a late diagnosis, I’ve been grateful to finally have answers. This time, though, I am also filled with rage and grief for of my younger self.
Thinking about the ways I struggled in early adulthood, it makes me so sad to think about what could have been if my ADHD was recognized back then. College was *so hard.* My first years out of school were *so hard.*
For the past 10-12 (?) years, I have felt like I must have missed some essential information about how to be a person, maybe on a day I missed school? Like, how do most people take care of their day-to-day responsibilities without feeling like they’re going to drown under it all?
Chores, email, practicing, lesson planning, exercise, meals...any of those have always taken so much mental energy for me. Doing all of them in a given day (or even a week)? Impossible.
A few weeks into this treatment, and many of those things are feeling much less overwhelming.
A few weeks into this treatment, and many of those things are feeling much less overwhelming.
I’m feeling like I can better take care of the tasks of life and still actually enjoy living. I’m still way behind, but it’s easier for me to do something about it. This is ultimately a very good thing and I’m hopeful for the quality of life I can have going forward, but still...
Much of why this has taken so long to recognize is that the dominant narrative of ADHD is that of hyperactive-type cis boys, when people of other genders are more likely to have inattentive or combined-type, and the way we express our symptoms is not as easily recognized.
Since I did so well in school, ADHD was never on anyone’s radar. But as soon as external structures were taken away, I imploded. I got really good at hiding how much I was struggling, because it was such a brutal source of shame after years of being highly successful as a kid.
I’m learning this is common for folks with inattentive-type, especially those who have been socialized to people-please.
I went through something similar with OCD; since most of my compulsions are thoughts, not observable, repetitive behaviors. It went undiagnosed for years.
I went through something similar with OCD; since most of my compulsions are thoughts, not observable, repetitive behaviors. It went undiagnosed for years.
I’m angry at the way healthcare erases people who aren’t cis white men/boys. (This is a whole thing that goes way beyond ADHD. Look up how medical studies exclude MGAI, or how seat belts are designed for the average man but can injure other body types. It’s everywhere.)
I’m furious at the way our culture NORMALIZES maladaptive coping strategies for people who are not cis, male, and white. I’m sad that there was a simple treatment that could have made a huge difference, but I didn’t get to access it until now.
I’m grieving for the way shame led me to hide the ways I was coping poorly, and prevented me from seeking help when I needed it.
I’m also looking forward to the ways this will make my future better. (/end thread)
I’m also looking forward to the ways this will make my future better. (/end thread)
