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my acne would literally make me go mad. yes, the low self esteem part too, but for me that wasnāt even the most frustrating bit?
i have this thing where i need duality, or evenness, or just general balance right...? but with the acne, my skin was bumpy.
thread i guess?
i have this thing where i need duality, or evenness, or just general balance right...? but with the acne, my skin was bumpy.
thread i guess?
it was uneven. the texture upset me the most, alongside the constant pain. i was never one to pop my pimples, instead iād press down on them in hopes of them flattening so i could get the even texture i was looking for.
when i realised that this wasnāt working, i heard that popping acne would spread bacteria which would cause more acne, and so iād do that and intentionally āspreadā to the exact opposite of the other pimples so itād be even on both sides...?
this didnāt work too, and it frustrated me so much. i started cleaning my face 10x in the AM and 10x in the PM because i thought my acne was due to dirt on my face.
my friend would tell me āi donāt think thatās gonna workā and iād ignore her and cleanse my face 10x in a row. my skin was CRYING. i did this with baby soap and black soap.
all this bc i needed balance?
all this bc i needed balance?
this was also confusing for me because i HATE the number 2. it so ugly. thereās so many reasons why i SHOULD like it but i hate it.
- itās the only even, prime number.
- itās the number that forms the basis of what even numbers are.
and so much more but i hate it...?
- itās the only even, prime number.
- itās the number that forms the basis of what even numbers are.
and so much more but i hate it...?
so why was i suddenly craving balance and why was i attaching balance to duality? idk. but it fucked with me.
iād usually be able to achieve this balance with other stuff.
for example, always making sure the switches were off/closed, ensuring furniture is straight, tables had to be straight and match each other etc.
and iād do this throughout school, in class, with everything.
for example, always making sure the switches were off/closed, ensuring furniture is straight, tables had to be straight and match each other etc.
and iād do this throughout school, in class, with everything.
this brought me some semblance of sanity and balance. so when iād breakout and not be able to achieve this, iād be SOOOO down.
i couldnāt flatten it, so the texture wasnāt even.
i couldnāt spread it in the exact areas i wanted to, so there was no duality/mirroring.
i couldnāt flatten it, so the texture wasnāt even.
i couldnāt spread it in the exact areas i wanted to, so there was no duality/mirroring.
i also didnāt know how to explain this to anyone without them looking at me like iām insaneā¦
how do i explain to people that i was willing to put myself through MORE painful, inflamed acne because i needed balance??
that sounds crazy, no?
how do i explain to people that i was willing to put myself through MORE painful, inflamed acne because i needed balance??
that sounds crazy, no?
my acne fucked me up in so many ways.
so after being on accutane, and the first few months after, my skin was literally SMOOTH, and now dealing with texture and minor breakouts again, iām STRUGGLING to not do sth stupid.
so after being on accutane, and the first few months after, my skin was literally SMOOTH, and now dealing with texture and minor breakouts again, iām STRUGGLING to not do sth stupid.
itās why i hate my nose bc it doesnāt sit right at the center, itās skewed.
itās why i hate my eyes, bc theyāre not aligned.
itās the reason why i hate a LOT of things in this world lol, bc that perfect balance that i NEED doesnāt exist and my brain canāt come to terms with it.
itās why i hate my eyes, bc theyāre not aligned.
itās the reason why i hate a LOT of things in this world lol, bc that perfect balance that i NEED doesnāt exist and my brain canāt come to terms with it.
anyway, can someone explain to me why this happens? does anyone feel intense urges/requirements for duality/balance/evenness in everything?
