it’s been horrendously difficult 2 keep myself from contacting the person i made that thread about the other day; there’s so much i want 2 tell them, and i hate that they’re gone, yet, i was the one who wanted 2 cut contact initially, and i still believe it was the right decision

i’ll never be the same as i was before the abuse that they put me through for 2+ years, and i’ll always suffer from the effects it has caused me both physically and emotionally, but, despite trying 2 forgive and forget, it’s agonizingly difficult 2 get this person out of my head.

i genuinely don’t hate them, nor do i wish any negativity upon their life; i still care about them a lot, and i feel like i should’nt after everything they’ve done 2 me and put me through.
am i hopelessly clinging on 2 good memories?
is this the cycle of abuse?

i truly do forgive them, despite everything. i feel like i’m posting the same thing over and over, and i’m sure nobody following me wants 2 see this personal boo-hoo shit that makes me look delusional, but, i have 2 vent this somewhere before i have another panic attack tonight.

i really need a journal so i can talk 2 my therapist about things like this in more detail; also, i don’t want 2 burden anyone or seem like i’m crying 4 attention by publicly sharing these personal issues here, so i’ll finish this thread off here.

i miss them so much.
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