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The hardest thing in life to admit is the fact that you are not okay. The peak of this feeling happened in the later months of 2019 until the dawn of COVID (earlier months of 2020). I couldn& #39;t think properly. I beat myself up for not doing well in every aspect of my life.
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This definitely took a toll on my academics. I wasn& #39;t necessarily in a healthy and conducive environment for studying. All of this led to me getting held back a year. Something I& #39;ve never really told anyone other than people close to me.
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This is also something that I haven& #39;t even told my extended family yet. It& #39;s either something I don& #39;t talk about, something I omit or in most times, a reason for me to run away from talking to people I know.
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It& #39;s not the easiest thing to say that all of this happened because I stopped believing in myself. Imagine constantly having a breakdown when you& #39;re studying because nothing comes in your mind anymore no matter how hard you try.
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What& #39;s inside your brain are voices telling you that you are not good enough or scenarios showing you that eventually you& #39;ll fail, so why bother? When I was informed by the admin of my situation, I remember being frozen and numb.
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This was the very thing I was afraid of, and now I have to face it. I was given an opportunity to retake 2 subjects, but personally, it was the hardest decision to do. I was spiraling down to this dark place where I could no longer see my future the way I wanted it to be.
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During isolation and quarantine, however, I did some recalibrating. I needed to see myself again. I needed to regain that strength and that drive again. I decided to enroll another year (in an online setting at that!), and give it another try.
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It was the most tiring year I have had because the fear of failing still lingers at the back of my mind. The crescendo of voices telling me to just walk away can be so loud sometimes that I can& #39;t help but cry. Because of the COVID situation, it was harder to reach out.
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However, I was lucky enough to put myself back up with the help of people who care the most and my faith. This past year happened. All of this happened and led me to this moment.
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Now, I just got the memo, and that with my standing, for sure, I will be exempted for finals -- and that finally I will be enrolling in 2nd year this coming school year. 
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I know this is just the start of the journey, but the best thing that I& #39;ve learned from this experience is that time will heal. Your situation could either call for you to change paths or stay in the path you& #39;re in with a different heart -- and both paths will be okay.
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Our timelines are different from each other and we have to accept that. Comparing your timeline to someone else& #39;s will just cloud your judgment. Reducing yourself to narratives of "sayang siya" or on opinions of other people commenting about your life will NEVER help.
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This small victory is a little something that I& #39;ve hoped for so long, and now it& #39;s here.
The dream is very much alive, and so am I.
To whoever reached the end of this thread, I am sending you the warmest of hugs. Kakayanin natin & #39;to. Laban lang.
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The dream is very much alive, and so am I.
To whoever reached the end of this thread, I am sending you the warmest of hugs. Kakayanin natin & #39;to. Laban lang.
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