CW: Natasha Helfer

I am going to say some things that are going to make some people mad. The unfollow button is available to you if you need it.

Natasha Helfer’s letter confirming the rescission of her membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints states, very clearly, that her summons to her disciplinary council were not made with regard to her activities as a therapist.

Natasha Helfer has not (to my knowledge) chosen to share the summons notice. She has offered no evidence that the aforementioned claim is not true.

She *did* make an emotionally-laden video about her distress in potentially being removed from the records of the Church and particularly on the grounds of her professional work and opinions.

And she *did* allow the Washington Post to publish an article hinting at a relationship between her former stake president and ex-husband has having a potentially-material weight behind the summons.

She did not mention in the video or in her WaPo interview that she has publicly and deeply affiliated her professional and public persona with someone who is actively and loudly trying to dismantle the church and persuade its members to leave.

She also did not mention in either the video or the interview the ways she has used her public platform to throw unprofessional insults and vulgarities at the Church and its leaders. (“Patriarchal Prick,” “ http://LDS.inc ,” etc.)

I am not overly sympathetic with the Church. I am often, publicly, suspicious and critical of it.

But I can only conclude—with some admitted anger and sadness—that Natasha Helfer has spent about a week blowing serious smoke up my ass. And I do not appreciate it, and here’s why.

It is not okay for someone to resist accountability for their friendships and professional relationships with problematic people.

It is not okay to dishonestly foment fear about the Church coming after therapists when it is not.

It is not okay to ask for public outcry and advocacy without disclosing all material elements of one’s case.

Most severely, to me: it is not okay to stir collective anger over issues of sexism and silencing based upon unsubstantiated claims.

This discredits those of us—discredits women like me—who *have* been violently silenced with devastating and material effects on our lives that had absolutely nothing to do with circumstances of our own choosing.

None of these behaviors were okay. All of them were eggregious coming from a therapist.

I’ve been subtweeted this week and accused of supporting a sexist system and let me tell you what.

You levy whatever signaling bullshit you want or need to levy at me. You won’t change my mind. You won’t even make me bat an eye.

And frankly? Until and unless you have experienced the silencing I have and you can have this conversation with nuance, respect to reality, accountability, and good faith?

I’m not even interested in the conversation.