So as someone who has quite the thing for lawyers and has tried most of them, here is my thread ranking dating different types of lawyers: https://twitter.com/canlawmag/status/1384258252381118469

Lawyer in the same practice area as you: You’re likely going to conflict yourself out of some cases so yikes there, but you can share templates and complain together. And if they try to ghost you? See you at CLE babe! 15/10

Family lawyers: there’s about to be a written “agreement” for every aspect of this relationship and a daily existential crisis about whether they’ll ever be able to marry/have kids with you bc of the horrifying things they see at work! 50/10 bc planning is smart, also I’m hot

Immigration attorneys: always hot, always woke, are kinda stressy though? Also the most likely to attend weekly therapy. 10/10

Public defenders: -20/10. No, I will not explain.

BigLaw: Think they’re better than you, despite taking notes for some partner all day. Will ask what your salary is and then tell you theirs and act surprised when you’re embarrassed. 1/10, bc at least they’re rich

Medical malpractice: “Doctors have god complexes and I essentially get off on suing them and being needlessly aggressive towards them in depos and on cross.” There’s another complex going on here that you may need to seek a different type of doctor’s assistance with. 0/10

The lawyer you met on LawTwitter: 10/10 for personal space and separate lives being forced by distance, 2/10 for the price of plane tickets and 0/10 for ultimately one person having to take another bar exam. That person should never have to get on top ever again.

Prosecutors: The only thing worse than dating a cop is dating a cop with 6 figure student loan debt. -5/10

Federal gov lawyers: Not really sure what they do or if they really even need a law license to do it, but most marriable because BENEFITS. 7/10 bc I don’t want to answer feds’ questions every couple years to renew your security clearance

“General” practice: will mansplain a highly complicated area of law to you that you actually work in bc “they do everything!” But haven’t done anything but a DUI or speeding ticket in 10 years. 5/10 bc at least you can bully them into fixing your parking tickets

Legal aid lawyers: cute, woke, actually embody the ideals male public defenders pretend to embody. 6/10 only because I do prefer being able to afford to live.

Traffic/DUI lawyers: It's not terribly glamorous work but you know what? A firm client when I was a 1L once gave me a ziplock of his wife's panties "For evidence" so maybe I'm not one to judge, 6/10

The "I've been a paralegal for years so I'm basically more experienced of a lawyer than you" guy. -10/10 for obvious reasons. Also no, I won't help you study for the LSAT

The guy you went to law school with: Baby, there is how many men on this earth and you think your soul mate was IN YOUR LAW SCHOOL SECTION? No. Also, he'll get a better job than you despite you beating him in every possible way throughout law school. Annoying. -3/10

Law professors: Have tenure! Cool! Will publish law review articles about how hard parenting is while making you go back to work immediately after giving birth? Also I'm no longer a law student, so I'm sure they're not interested in me anymore anyways, -15/10

Patent lawyers:"Well I didn't get to write papers about my feelings during undergrad like the rest of my law school class who have liberal arts degrees, so you could say I'm UNIQUELY prepared for law school." 2/10

Also the only dude in my law school class who did patent flirted with me at a party 1L year, I blew him off and then he didn't respond to my thirst DM three years later because I was bored? Rude??? Truly a bad example of your patent peers, 1/10

In-house counsel: "Omg my Sales, Marketing and Advertisement Teams are always so pissed off at me hahaha. Also I make half a mil a year. You know. In case you were wondering." GEE I WONDER WHY THEY'RE ALWAYS PISSED AT YOU?? 2/10

Personal injury lawyers: 4/10, I am not an insurance company when you talk to me, and I am not impressed by the sports car you bought with your first big settlement/verdict

Environmental lawyers: Whatever area of law they ultimately end up practicing bc they couldn't find a job in environmental law, apply that area's rating to them but add 2 because at least they forced their law school to get those separated, colored recycling bins 2L year.

Contracts/business dispute stuff, but Not BigLaw: Forever bitter about not being able to go BigLaw and make BigLaw money. Always trying to get you to "admit" things via text so they can screenshot it and throw it back in your face during an argument at a later date, 3/10

Criminal defense: Lot of the same issues as PDs, hate women and couch it as being "woke"? Definitely "socially liberal, fiscally conservative" 1/10

That old, married male lawyer who is always offering to "mentor" you and offering you money: The girls in my local Association of Women Lawyers chapter think I dress like a whore so I guess this is the best mentorship offer I'm gonna get, 8/10

The lawyer who "got out": Always gaslighting you about your feelings about work, "Why don't you just stop practicing for your mental health?" Oh I'm sorry Chad, I didn't realize that political consulting was the industry where one's mental health thrives, 1/10

The guy whose thinking about going to law school: Why would I waste my breath giving you advice you're not going to listen to and are just going to mansplain to me why it's wrong. Also have you seen my twitter? What letter of rec do you honestly think I could write you? -3/10

The solo practitioner: As he will tell you 87 times a day, he loves being his own boss and could never imagine Working. For. Someone. Else. like you do. Will likely never unload the dishwasher when you ask bc he sets his own schedule 4/10, sorry I'm owned by capitalism babe

The toxic judicial clerk: "My judge is really old, so I do all of his research and write all of his opinions/decisions. So basically I am the judge. Haha." 2/10, you're about to make this entire relationship entirely about you somehow, I can predict it already.

Estate planning/wills/trusts lawyers: Dependable, practical, steady income. Who we should be aspiring to date but we won't because they're "boring", 6/10 for effort though

Tax lawyers: Perfect for girls with daddy issues, every year, I throw all of my W-2s at my dad on approximately April 12th, that's your job now. Also teach me how to write things off. Hot. 9/10