So, I finally announced on fb, which is more of a family and community oriented space for me than other platforms, that I’m having a baby, raising them gender neutral and using they/them pronouns until they themselves express their gender. A thread on reactions

First, I come from a desi muslim background with strong roots in the Sikh diaspora and I’m having a baby with an Indo-Fijian. This is my community, it’s filled with aunties, uncles, and Elders along with friends, hippies, and comrades.

On the whole the reactions have been positive. Some ppl made an attempt to use gender neutral endearments when referring to the baby. Some used they/them pronouns. No one tried to to lecture me. Some didn’t bother reading and don’t give a shit which is cool too

But some had absolutely no idea what I was talking about and privately asked me the sex of the baby. Others used gendered pronouns. But neither of these things felt attackful to me or the baby.

Being desi, coming from a community where gender is so thoroughly structured, rigid and enforced I know this concept is new for many. My goal isn’t to change everyone in my community, my goal is to stretch the container my community exists in. Make room for more diversity.

I’ve always got the sense that more of our Elders are open to radical change than we may think. I usually just say or do what I want boldly and see if any bigots pop up, fight them, drop them then move forward with the cool folk. I’ve got to keep a good amount around

I have told close Elders the reproductive organs of the baby, because that’s the only concept of gender they understand, but I’m working with them to have deeper convos about gender/sexuality. So many cool anecdotes about Lesbian aunts, and Queer Elders are coming up.

I have worked very hard to foster freedom for myself in my very constricted life. I want my child to meditate on this concept their whole life too. Maybe I’ll name them Azaad, who knows