We eat our meals separately, sleep in different rooms, disinfect constantly, and hand wash to the point where our skin is cracked and bleeding. I spent a day clearing our unfinished basement of junk, boxes and dead millipedes, just in case one of us need to move down there.

Eight days into this, our daughter seems okay & I think we will be too. But the stress of living with COVID in your own home — the threat of infection hanging over your head like a guillotine — is hard to convey. I've had a tightness in my chest since last Wednesday.

The thing that really makes me feel sick is knowing our family is now part of a chain of infections that could kill or hospitalize another person. When I heard there was a 2nd confirmed case at our daycare, I cried almost as much as I did when our daughter tested positive.

I worry about her daycare friends & their families. I also worry about the daycare staff, who have not yet been prioritized for vaccination, even as we've kept daycares open across Ontario and demanded that these women (the ECEs at my daycare are all women) continue going to work

Over the last week, my daughter has coughed in my face, ripped off my mask, licked her finger and wiped it on me, cried to be held. I know this is what our daycare workers deal with every day on the job — only with 10 toddlers at a time, instead of one.

I despair for parents, esp those who truly can't afford to pull their kids. And even for those who can — it's such a tortured choice because it will never be validated. You'll never know if you dodged that bullet; only that you voluntarily made your life harder and more miserable

And I really despair for anyone who's gone/going through this, but without our many privileges. We have so many friends sending us food; meanwhile, I can't stop thinking about another parent my TPH case worker told me about, who had to break quarantine to go to the food bank.

I might write more later, just keeping my head above water for now. I apologize for stepping away this week and hope to be back reporting soon.

I'll just end by linking again to this @COVIDSciOntario roadmap, for how we can beat this terrible 3rd wave:

https://covid19-sciencetable.ca/sciencebrief/fighting-covid-19-in-ontario-the-way-forward/