Decided to cultivate concentration skills (three trainings, morality, concentration, insight). Began by looking at MCTB, imo seems like could get the same effects more quickly and easily, and also in-tune with what I personally need, by finding an entity that would help.

Inquired into which entities may help me with a concentration practice while respecting my boundaries, not controlling or possessing, and who were willing to freely give (i.e. not exchange or deal), God entered my immediate consciousness and told me to pray.

After doing some more research and poking around, came to the usual but necessary conclusion that it's actually about whatever emperically works for me, and is suited to me, and that I can get that by just asking entities for that exact thing. Asked God what mantra I could repeat

He told me "I love God" was a good mantra. I recalled MCTB's guidance to incline towards what you want, and the emphasis on finding a good place to do it. Decided to go to the sauna (away from parents, sister, dog) for better conditions. Began repeating "I love God"

My attention was brought more onto how in metta, finding loving-kindness in the heart and concentrating on that is a method. After a bit of mantra repetition, focused on the heart instead. Lots of involuntary body movements and pain around my ribcage.

These pains are things that I've been dealing with for ages. I think it's at least partially because I spent so long having microtremors in my belly and not noticing that my ribcage muscles were resisting an energy and causing that. It fucked them up.

Eventually I intuitively felt like repeating "I love God" would be good. Started doing so with the inclination to merge the saying of it with the heart feeling so they were working as one. Mantra began almost monotone, with no heart in it.

As I inclined more towards merging the two the mantra transformed into something more heartfelt and automatic. I wasn't saying it anymore, and it didn't sound like me. Felt quite good and pleasant. Started inclining more towards a jhana with that state.

Got to some point of stability and then my mouth/voice just stopped, got a message (thought) that "that was enough for today" and stopped. Day 1 of concentration practice log is over for today.