When my husband was a kid, his mom dropped a gallon of milk in the grocery store parking lot. It hit the asphalt at just the right angle and burst. His mom started to cry. She couldn't afford to buy another gallon. They didn't have milk that week.

a thread 1/

He says as a kid he didn't know his family was broke because he always had a bike and a Disneyland pass. The bikes always came from garage sales. The passes from a grandparent he only saw once every few years.

2/

His parents were hardworking and hardhoping. They were all happy, but it was wearing. They moved around a lot because being both broke and renters is a vulnerable combination. And there were times when milk spilled and couldn't be replaced. 3/

He started working at a Dairy Queen before he hit the legal working age so he could buy school clothes, split the cost of a couple hundred dollar car with his twin so they could get to work, pay for car insurance. He stopped playing school sports after school so he could work. 4/

We grew up together. When a big event at school was coming up, or a trip to another state or country was offered to students, I just had to tell my parents about it. They wrote the check. (This was back when people used checks.) 5/

If my husband wanted to do anything that cost money, his 15 year old self had to check his bank account and figure out how many minimum wage working hours he'd have to work afford it. And then he'd need to go to school, work those hours and stay up late to finish his homework. 6/

This isn't a tragic story. Their hardships were still bits of luck compared to many people in America. Eventually, his family reached a place where milk could be replaced and then provided for others. But here's why I am tweeting this long, long thread. 7/

My daughter has the opportunity to go on a school trip abroad next year. I don't know how funding will work. Lots of times when these opportunities are presented, the issue of limited access because it's not affordable for everyone is skirted around with a line like this... 8/

"We encourage the kids to find opportunities to earn money to contribute to the cost of their trip."

This is sold as some bootstrapping moment of working enlightenment for the kids. They can EARN this trip! It's a LEARNING opportunity.

But... 9/

...that line isn't included for ALL the kids. It's there to make people feel better about the kids who can't participate. "Well, we told kids to work for the money! If they couldn't figure it out it's not because we failed." 10/

I don't have a problem with kids working to earn things. But that's not how this ever shakes out. When opportunities are only frictionless for kids from families with money? The kids from families with money are mostly the kids that get the opportunities. 11/

Everyone makes themselves feel better about the kids left behind because they *just didn't want to do the work*. Please tell that to my husband when he was sixteen and working 30 hour weeks on top of school. He was working harder than any of us. He still couldn't participate. 12/

Offering enrichment through exposure to our kids isn't a real opportunity if it's not accessible to every kid no matter their financial situation. The point in our conversation that is still piercing my heart? When my husband said,

"Only poor kids have to work to have fun." x/

Also I don’t know who needs to hear this (ahem JD Vance) but you can grow up in a house where can’t always be replaced, become a dad that *can* write the check AND STILL REALIZE THAT LACK OF OPPORTUNITY IS NOT DUE TO *NOT* WORKING HARD ENOUGH. IT IS DUE TO SYSTEMIC INEQUALITY.