Thread by @devimorgi, Third year. Katsuki asks Shouto out. Shouto says yes. Absolutely nothing changes [...]

Third year. Katsuki asks Shouto out. Shouto says yes. Absolutely nothing changes beside them making out now and then.

At first this is fine for Katsuki. They& #39;re friends who make out. That& #39;s what having a boyfriend is like, right? But as time passes, he notices other couples.

Notices their casual intimicy. PDAs. Whispering in each others ears at lunch, handholding, giggling, smiles warmer than the sun.

And when Shouto looks at him... It& #39;s nothing, most of the time. A blank wall of ice.

He knows, he& #39;s painfully aware of Shouto& #39;s history. His fucked up home life. And it& #39;s not like Katsuki& #39;s was perfect, anyway. Everyone& #39;s got their bullshit, but as far as bullshit goes, Shouto really drew the very shortest straw.

So it makes sense. For him not to know how to express himself. Express affection. Express love.

Katsuki assumes Shouto just needs time, time to trust and gain confidence, because when they& #39;re together, kissing, groping clumsily like teenagers do, Shouto is a blazing fire.

So it& #39;s not that Shouto doesn& #39;t like him, Katsuki concludes. He& #39;s just... Shouto.

But even so.

Even so.

It eats away at him. And it& #39;s not like it& #39;s fucking easy for him to hold hands or kiss him in public. The extras would give him so much shit for it.

But he desperately wants to do it anyway, if only to really, truly know they& #39;re together. Have a last seal of approval, make it as public as possible. Have the chance to show off Shouto as his boyfriend.

But he doesn& #39;t want to pressure Shouto into anything. He deserves better.

So Katsuki shuts up, and lets it build up inside, grow to a monstrous beast of every insecurity, every little doubt, every "what if".

Until one day the beast wins.

It& #39;s nothing in particular that tipped it off. Just another ordinary day.

They& #39;re hanging out in Katsuki& #39;s room, Shouto reading some manga stomach down on the bed while Katsuki& #39;s at the table, unable to focus on calculus homework.

"Hey. Shou." His voice comes out more grave than he meant to.

"Hmm?" Shouto doesn& #39;t look up. His tone betrays nothing.

"Does it feel like we& #39;re a couple to you?" Katsuki phrases it carefully.

Shouto slowly sits up, putting the manga away. "We /are/ a couple. I don& #39;t understand." Again, an impenetrable wall of ice.

"I just-" Katsuki clenches and unclenches his hands, trying to make sense of the vague feeling and scrambled thoughts. Put it into coherent words. "It& #39;s like- Izuku and Kirishima. They& #39;ve been together less time than us. Have you seen them together?"

Shouto nods.

"Then you know what they& #39;re like. Do you understand now?"

"Uh. Not really. What is this about?"

"Us! You and me!" Katsuki& #39;s getting frustrated now. Talking has never been his strongest suit, and neither is it Shouto& #39;s. God. They& #39;re a disaster.

"What about us?" Shouto, again, face and voice - absolutely nothing. Katsuki can& #39;t help but wonder if that& #39;s his default or if he& #39;s masking what he& #39;s feeling on purpose by now.

"We& #39;re- you- ugh!" Katsuki throws the pencil he& #39;s been holding on the table.

"I don& #39;t understand what& #39;s happening." Flat. Dry. Driving Katsuki insane.

"It& #39;s like we& #39;re just- friends. And then we make out and you& #39;re so- passionate. But then we& #39;re just friends again. There& #39;s nothing other than that to show for our relationship."

"Oh." Shouto& #39;s eyes are as blank as ever. "What else should there be?"

And just like that, Katsuki& #39;s heart breaks a little. The thought of Shouto being so far removed from any functional relationship for so long that he doesn& #39;t even have an idea of what to look for is awful.

It makes his chest ache.

Shouto carries on. "Should we be more like Kirishima and Midoriya? I don& #39;t know if I want to go to the beach for dates. You know I burn easy."

He& #39;s so innocent it hurts. "So does Deku but that& #39;s- not what I mean. Fuck." He blows out air. Shouto& #39;s the same blank wall. It& #39;s hard to even try have this talk in the first place and this is not making it easier on Katsuki. "I just want you to look at me."

"But I am looking?" Shouto sounds confused and only through years of learning to read him does Katsuki catch on that he& #39;s anxious, too.

Fuck. Now Katsuki& #39;s making him feel bad and he can& #39;t even fucking articulate it well enough for Shouto not to freak out.

Katsuki rubs a hand through his undercut, sighing. "Let& #39;s backtrack. We don& #39;t need to be like other couples. We should be us. But us... Don& #39;t you feel like we could be more?"

Shouto looks away at the window. "Are we not enough?"

Fuck! Why is he so bad at this? Shouto deserves so much more. Why is he even complaining when he won the lottery? "Yes! I mean no! Ugh, I mean, we are enough! I just... Forget it." Katsuki picks his pencil back up, drumming it against his notebook, agitated.

Taptaptaptaptap. The silence stretches, becomes tense and uncomfortable. Taptaptaptaptaptaptap.

Shouto is the one to break the thick quiet between them. "I don& #39;t know what, but something is wrong. I don& #39;t get it. But I want to get it."

Shouto glances at Katsuki, vulnerability in his eyes for a brief second. He& #39;s trying. He& #39;s trying so hard, Katsuki can tell. He knows him well enough by this point to know what& #39;s going to be hard for him, and feelings of any kind are definitely on top of that list.

Katsuki puts the pencil down calmly and takes a deep breath. Maybe he should& #39;ve thought this through more. Possibly. But now it& #39;s too late, so he can only do his best. And his best better be fucking good. Talking is bullshit. Actions? They both understand.

Katsuki gets up, sits right next to Shouto, blocking his view to the window. When Shouto averts his gaze to the floor instead, Katsuki really wants to bury himself underground for doing that to him.

Instead of wallowing in it, Katsuki cups his opposite cheek, guiding his face back to look at him as gently as he can. Gentleness doesn& #39;t come easy to Katsuki, but fuck if he won& #39;t do his very best for Shouto.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks. He never asks. But he will now.

Shouto nods and Katsuki leans in, presses their lips together. As often happens, it gets heated pretty quickly. Tongues and teeth and fingers scraping along scalps and a touch too much enthusiasm.

When they pull back, Shouto& #39;s looking at him all soft and sweet and dopy and fuck. That& #39;s exactly what he means. What he wants. That small smile is everything to him, and he loves that he can be the one to put it there. "This is what I want for us. But all the time."

"You want us to make out more?"

Wow. Shouto& #39;s really not getting it. "Not exactly, baby. How do you feel right now?"

"Nice. Warm. It& #39;s hard to keep my fire down when we kiss."

Okay. Possible progress. "What do you mean, keep the fire down?"

"It& #39;s like-" Shouto bites his lip, and the same vulnerability flashes in his eyes. "I& #39;m just so happy. And so... Full. Of something good. I can& #39;t keep it all down like I usually do, and so I get really hot."

Fuck. How can he so casually admit both something so raw and personal and the fact he actively suppresses himself constantly in the same sentence? His duality makes Katsuki fall for him all over again.

"Katsuki?"

Oh, right. He& #39;s staring. How should he approach this? Katsuki doesn& #39;t want him to feel criticized or attacked or blamed. He just wants Shouto to realize he doesn& #39;t have to hide. Control. Suppress. "Why do you usually keep it down?"

Shouto cocks his head. "Because," he stops. "I don& #39;t know. It& #39;s just... a lot. I& #39;m used to doing it. Letting it out is scary." With every word it looks more like something& #39;s clicking behind his normally blank eyes, now widened.

"I can& #39;t help it now. It& #39;s so intense. But it also... Feels good. To be this warm."

Katsuki waits for him to go on, if he& #39;ll want to.

"So maybe... I should just let myself feel warm whenever I feel like it?" He asks as if it& #39;s some revolutionary concept and not basic human-ing.

"Fuck yes you should."

"Huh."

Now, Shouto doesn& #39;t shy away from his hand anymore but reaches back to hold it. The first time Mina laughs for about a hundred years at the way they both blushed but it feels so good Katsuki doesn& #39;t care.

Now, Shouto smiles at Katsuki in the cafeteria simply for giving him his muffin or pudding and it& #39;s like cupid shoots him all over again.

Now, Shouto& #39;s wall of ice is slowly melting under the heat, and Shouto lets it melt, revealing a little more of him every day.

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