love that BIPOC authors can get tons of racist reviews and we aren't supposed to talk about it––because in the end, reviews aren't for us even if they are effed up––but white authors can do whatever they want, and folks'll be ready to defend them. love that for us.

love that publishers (and some agents) say they care about diversity but don't put their money, support or actions behind us, yet they'll give a cool mill and ample opportunities to white politicians who have purposely + hatefully done harm to our communities. love that.

love that even when you look like you're winning because you have a career and book deals, you're still working your ass off for a fraction of the money your white friends make. p.s. my white friends know it, I know it, no competition, it is what it is. what can we do?

folks'll tell you to look on the plus side, you broke into the industry. you can climb. but the ladder keeps moving. you have people climbing up behind you, and maybe you got them on that first step. but how can you lead them, when you don't know the way?

I'm tired. it all adds up, you know. you try and you try, you hope and you hope, you work and you work, but so little is in your control. you don't get into this because you want money, you get into it because you love stories. but it breaks your heart sometimes.