After seeing a common response to my comments on the killing of #KellyWilkinson, I want to clear up a misconception. Those who claim that I blame all men for men’s violence or violence against women have fundamentally missed my point.

Perhaps, from otherwise noble intentions, they have misunderstood what I’ve been saying all along: I don’t say all men are violent or that all men are to blame for the actions of others. I say all men are responsible for helping end violence against women. There’s a difference.

We live in a culture that continues to mistreat women. Stress harassment, workplace inequality, unequal representation. A culture where men commit the overwhelming majority of violence, regardless of the gender of the victim. This doesn’t occur in a vacuum.

When I say all men are responsible, I mean that all men can, and should, play a leadership role in addressing the culture that allows this to happen, in their homes, with their friends and their communities.

If you’re a man, this doesn’t mean you were the one who did it. What a strangely defensive response to being offered an opportunity to take up responsibility. Responsibility doesn’t arise only when someone is to blame for something.

Responsibility arises because one strives for better.

I want better for many reasons. I want better because I love the women in my life, those who are still here and those who aren’t, like my dear sister Nikita.

I adore the tenacity, determination and courage of young girls who are not constrained by gender norms, who aspire to be whatever their imagination can come up with.

But even more than that, I fucking love men. I love that we’re capable of.

We can be strong, but more than that, I love that we can learn to become open, vulnerable, empathic and nurturing if we choose to be. I love that there are options available to us if we get over the hang-ups and rigidity that’s sold to us and that we see in our role models.

But that only happens when more men are daring to think for ourselves, instead of reacting to the murder of women as an excuse to say #NotAllMen or claim that feminism is fucked. If you believe that women should have equal rights, then you are by definition, a feminist.

And that isn’t a bad thing. It’s a beautiful one. So instead of saying #NotAllMen or thinking, “It wasn’t me so it’s not my problem”, think about how you can, and should, be part of creating an equal world.

#NotOneMoreNiki