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photography is my only escape at this point. i have nothing. i feel 0 love/support from the people around me regardless of how much they show me. i’m slowly losing the people i love. i’m losing motivation. the second i pick up my camera , i forget everything.
i really thought i was making progress on my mental health man. i get random boosts of happiness that last an hour or two at most. i love being around people , but i can’t handle too much of it anymore. i feel more alone with 15 people than i do actually alone in my room at 11:30
i know i constantly preach about “if you need to talk , don’t hesitate to contact me” buy i’m really not capable of taking that advice. i can’t talk about shit. i can’t open up. i can’t let people know i’m down bad. it’s not me.
like i’m the fuckin happy one. i’m the one people come to when they need somn. i’m the one who’s always fine and never needs to juss sit down to talk about shit. this the way i’ve always been , so why the fuck do i feel so dependent on other people.
i hate bringing shit like this to social media instead of keeping it private but i fr can’t tell you how many times i’ve typed shit out like this & deleted bc ion want people to know this shit. i hate the whole “feel bad for me cuz i’m sad :(“ shit.
i juss feel trapped bro. it’s an endless cycle of self love , then feeling sorry for myself. i’ve worked too hard & long to get where i am today (with obvious help from others) to juss call it quits and give up.
