Today there have been some subtweets about me with information that I feel is false. I’d reply directly, but I’ve been blocked by them, and instead of just making another vague subtweet. I’d rather address it directly.

A couple things up front: I am trying to defend myself here. I’ll present the messages I received, share my PERSONAL impressions of them, and reiterate what I actually said. This is not me trying to shame anyone or tell anyone what to do.

This is the subtweet. I don’t know of any other afab people running a crowdfunding campaign right now - this is clearly about me even though my name was not used.

I’ll start off right away by saying I never told JV they were manipulative, I said I felt manipulated by them. An important difference to me, as I feel that people can unintentionally do things that come off as manipulative.

So, what did I do to start this whole thing off? I called Chad “really nice.” Chad’s been my friend for years now, we’ve hung out in person multiple times, and he’s only ever been kind to me.

I called Chad kind in the context of the campaign for SDITE, in a QRT of a post I wrote from the account. I just wanted to hype up Chad’s role and make a little joke. When this was posted as a public reply to my tweet, I was confused.

And so, JV messaged me, making their accusations towards Chad. Obviously very serious, and also completely new information.

I was confused why JV didn’t DM me from the start instead of posting cryptic negative comments on my post. I felt like they were working off of the assumption I had known about this for a long time but chosen to ignore it.

Given the public nature of the comments, I thought they might have been trying to throw shit my way for working with Chad, and wondered if they were trying to hinder my effort to pay the cast and crew of SDITE because Chad was a part of it.

I say this so you can understand the position I started off with. Why was something as serious as this initially brought to me by salty twitter responses? Honestly, I was just really confused, so I asked for more info.

I also started talking to Chad. I said I knew Chad and JV have history, and the bulk of what I knew was that JV blocked Chad on every account they had and Chad didn’t know why. I had brushed it off as a weird falling out.

I don’t want to speak for Chad, but he seemed very confused by this accusation. He shared the two days of conversations he and JV had before getting blocked - which started out friendly and ended abruptly. No threats of any sort were there.

I don’t want to gloss over a serious accusation in one tweet, but things happened while I was figuring everything out and I’m going in chronological order.

Meanwhile, JV replied. From MY OWN PERSPECTIVE I felt that I was still being made to feel guilty for casting Chad over half a year ago when I had just just said I did not know the situation.

I also got a bit caught up on “I knew he was part of it when I auditioned for the show.” I had assumed JV only just found out about Chad’s casting when I announced it that day and was reacting to it.

Knowing JV had known for months and not hours about this made me wonder even more why this was initially brought up via a public vague salty tweet reply and not private DM. I brushed it off as me being selfish for wanting more of a heads up.

At this point, I was more confused than ever. Chad’s information did not line up with JV’s at all. I was between two friends with different stories and trying to figure out what to do. I was working through it all when I saw this tweet. CW suicidal ideation on the image.

This tweet is the reason I said I felt manipulated. I have publicly requested people to put content warnings on posts about suicide (I did this last month on twitter), and I don’t hide the fact that suicidal ideation is triggering for me.

CW suicidal ideation mention. This tweet made me check out of our conversation, immediately overwhelmed. I cannot handle having a private conversation while the other person is tweeting about wanting to die. I hope you won’t think less of me for that.

The next day, I replied, trying to answer JV’s question about what to do. I was worried they were engaging with SDITE out of obligation of being my friend or following me, and I wanted to let them know they didn’t have to do that.

But it was important to me to tell my friend that I felt manipulated by their actions. I felt suddenly dragged into this situation, expected to know everything up front about a situation JV knew I was in for months and only brought up after I called Chad “really nice” on twitter.

This situation was not as cut and dry as JV made it seem. Chad knew as much as I did about these accusations. I was trying to get to the bottom of it while JV, my friend, was also saying things that were really triggering for me.

I did not think JV was intentionally being manipulative. But the effect of springing a surprise accusation about my friend while I was trying to fund my show and then tweeting about wanting to die while we talk about it?

It made me feel manipulated. And I thought JV was my friend, so I told them that.

I got a response half an hour later, and then another a half hour after that. I saw them at the same time, though. I never had a chance to explain to JV why I felt manipulated because they blocked me before I saw the message.

CW suicidal ideation mention. I would disagree that JV manipulated me into any position. I would clarify that TO ME, it felt like they were trying to get a certain response from me by tweeting about wanting to die.

I would also disagree that JV didn’t drag me into this situation. Replying to a tweet I posted saying something unkind about a friend? Of course I’m going to question it. I’m sad they didn’t drag me in sooner.

Finally, I disagree that it is extremely fucked up of me to feel manipulated. And frankly, saying so only makes that feeling stronger.

And now, we circle back to the subtweet. I stated earlier that I felt that I was being made to feel guilty for casting Chad over half a year ago without knowing the situation. Hold that thought for me.

The subtweet said “Pro-Tip: If you chose to work with someone who has been abusive to another person, you should ask yourself why you chose to do that,” Clearly implying that I had made such a decision.

JV is trying to paint me as someone who would knowingly work with an abuser, and I would like to make it clear that this is not the case. I am deeply offended JV would twist the facts of this situation to make it seem so.

Regardless of the validity of JV’s statements, I did not know of these accusations six months ago when I worked with Chad, and JV knows this too.

I did not want to make this thread, but I cannot personally stand to have someone imply this about me. Because JV has me blocked, I can’t reply directly or privately - I am genuinely sorry for the public nature of this dispute.

As I said at the start, I tweet to defend myself, not tell anyone what to do. Make your own decisions with this information. I would like JV to stop putting words in my mouth, but I do not wish them ill will.

To be explicitly clear - I’m not trying to kick anyone out of audio drama here. Work with who you want to work with. I’m not declaring who is good and bad or what the ethical choice is. I am defending myself from false statements.

I’ll share one of the screenshots that Chad showed me, but I welcome folks to make their own decisions.

I cannot be here to declare judgement. I’m a single person who has drawn my own judgments and made my own call - I need you to do the same. I’ve looked at the situation myself, but you shouldn’t just trust me.

Because people continue to put words in my mouth, a clarification:
-I am not calling JV a manipulator I am saying they did some actions that made me feel manipulated which are DIFFERENT THINGS. I shared screenshots because I wanted to make it clear I even initially said that.

-Nobody in any conversation has used the word gaslighting. You need to understand that throwing that around in your subtweets is only going to hurt all involved parties.

-I said this at twice, but my whole reason for making this thread in the first place was to address very serious allegations about who I work with. Claims were made that I knowingly work with abusers and that is not the case. Screenshots were also provided to make that clear.

-I am not out for anyone’s punishment or my own redemption. Something incorrect was said about me and I have done my best to illustrate why I felt that was wrong. I’m adding these tweets because OTHERS are now saying incorrect things about my thread.