Today is 5 years since my double mastectomy. I didn't think it would hit me this hard but it's really tough to deal with. My scars are so large and I want to crawl out of my skin.

I cant believe I was allowed as a child to have this procedure. No one could have prepared me for the reality of it. I was promised sunshine and rainbows. Happiness. All my sadness and gender dysphoria would go away. Of course a kid who was miserable would take that immediately.

I don't even feel as if I fit into any gender anymore. My dysphoria is worse than I could have imagined, the fever dream that is transition blinded me. I'm so tired. I wish I could go back to being a little girl and tell myself no, this is the wrong path.