Thinking about how adoras whole thing in the horde was protecting catra, which catra resented; and then having it flipped so that catra protecting HER from SW and others even as enemies, even after getting her heart broken, & protecting HERSELF w/her “big bad villain” demeanor

The whole of the series was love and hurt, and shielding oneself vs shielding others; catra steeled her heart after adora left, resolving not to feel abandoned again, only to STILL have it happen, specifically BECAUSE she lashed out every time someone exposed her vulnerability

Its all about survival; surviving heartbreak, constant abandonment, abuse and death threats (which were nearly fulfilled multiple times), and a world that seemed determined to keep her down, make her small, make her hurt

Whats the point of living in that kind of world? Where your best and only real friend, your lifeline, leaves? When you’ve been in love with her the whole time, and her leaving (w/an invitation to join almost as a side note) broke the slightest hope that she might love you back?

And then she dares to make new friends; friends she laughs with, embraces, cares for like she did with you; or maybe not like you, because youre starting to think she never cared at all, and maybe just offered basic kindness to keep you around as a lackey, a sidekick, second best

You would never hold a candle to her, no matter how hard you worked; you were told this and you believed it, and adora had to protect you bc you were her pet, and she needed to look good compared to you; she needed to be the hero, something you would never be bc you COULDNT be

But now shes gone, and you need a distraction from this hurt; oh, a promotion? Validation for once? You managed to be THE best, and not only that, but adora AND SW, are now considered the WORST; you outdid them, and you can keep doing it, so you will

And maybe, just maybe, youll finally get what YOU want for once, just like adora always did; maybe its not worth thinking about the heart break, maybe you can use that bitter scar to remind yourself to stay vigilant, cold, and angry; anything less is weakness

And weakness will make you LOSE; thats the one thing you can hold onto right now - your strength, and you will show how strong you are, striking down everything in your way, including the girl you love; you want to make her hurt, to make her feel YOUR hurt

And yet you couldnt close your heart fully; the gaps were always there and would remain no matter how often you tried to seal them; and that weakness, that horrible weakness, just makes you experience that hurt, that awful abandonment over and over and over

And it looks like theres no escaping being abandoned; no matter WHAT you do, no matter if you care for others like you did with your abuser, or if you snap at them like you did with scorpia and entrapta, they will leave you, just like adora; worse, theyll JOIN her

Adora is now their ringleader and you know, you just KNOW, theyre all taunting you, looking for every opportunity for you to fail and show that weakness so they can beat you down again; and SHE will be right; SHE will win, like she always does, while you wallow in sorrow, alone

Well, not this time; this time, you WILL win, and you dont care if you have to take the whole world down with you, youre already at your lowest, and they all deserve to feel this pain for once, to feel that fear, that betrayal, that horrible excruciating hurt

And yet, you wake up in a perfect world that reflects your true desires; you dont want to cause others pain, not really; you never did; you wanted love, you NEEDED love and it was cruelly snatched away from you; why couldnt it be like this always? Why did she leave and hurt you?

Of course you wanted to stay; even if everything was falling apart, even if everything would be gone, at least you would have a taste of what things couldve been and you could forget what they really are and die happy; ah, but no; she wont let you have that either

And you tell her that; you tell her its all her fault because it IS and things couldve been SO great if she didnt leave; she ruined it all, she ruined you; but worse yet, now she hates you; her eyes were pure hatred when they met yours; youve never seen that before

And it kills you to see that; not only does she not miss you, not even care what she did to you - she HATES you; and everyone else probably does too; well you still have one thing you can do, and thats to win, so youre gonna do that because clearly youre not allowed to be happy

So winning will make you happy, surely; you will lash out before anyone has a chance, before anyone even WANTS to approach you, touch you, pretend they care for you so that they can wait for you to slip up again; no, youre going to win; youre going to win against ALL of them

/end thread (for now)