Thread; I often wonder about the jury in the Aitchison case & other cases involving child rape, rape & murder.

I wonder what they thought.
Who they are.

I wish I could talk to them & apologise for crying.

Do juries ever talk to victims?

/1

In my case, I know they saw graphic photos of me.

These strangers saw me at my worst, down a video camera.

I wonder if they felt proud of the guilty verdict for my rapist, or maybe they didn’t feel anything because they were told only facts matter.

Do they have families?

/2

Did they go home afterwards & say anything to their partners?

Did they like me? Did the case change how they felt about child rape & do they feel differently about protecting their kids?

I want to thank them.
I don’t know what they look like.

/3

If you’ve ever been on a jury like this, how did you feel?

Can you help me answer my questions? What do you want me to know?

Have you tried to forget about the victim, or are you determined to remember them?

Have you forgotten what you saw, when they testified?

/4

I was never told if juries are forbidden to talk to victims later.

Are they?

I didn’t testify in the courtroom. I was sequestered & taken to a secure remote location with a Sheriff & my Witness Liaison Officer.

So I never saw the jury.

I wasn’t told anything about them.

/5

Mostly, I’d like people who serve on juries to know that I think of you most days & wonder about what your life is like.

I know maybe my case meant you missed work & even things with your family or friends.

Maybe you hate me; blame me for taking your time away.

/6

It’s possible my case meant you couldn’t concentrate afterwards, you couldn’t forget the photos of my bruised face & my blood nose when Defence called that recess.

Maybe I made you lose your job.
Maybe you went home & cried in front of your kids, who didn’t understand.

/7

Maybe because of me you fought with your partner because the case was too traumatic.

Maybe you went on the March for Justice & never said my name out loud but looked to Mount Ainslie & saw me inside your head.

Walking Lilly before she was killed.

https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/amp.smh.com.au/national/act/former-canberra-anglican-priest-jailed-for-historic-rapes-20180813-p4zx91.html

/8

Maybe you’ve read articles I’ve written & you feel good.

Maybe you were proud of Phil, who did testify in front of you; and my two childhood friends who knew I was being raped.

We made it, you know.

We had dinner, cried, laughed & forgave the kids we were.

/9

Because as many questions that I have without answers, there were lovely things that came from the blackness in that Canberra Court.

Did you know our eldest son Rory began a law degree, in part because you were a juror?

He wants to work with child rape survivors.

/10

He’s 3rd year law now, smashing every essay, getting closer to being like his dad, or Judge Elkaim.

So although you know what happened to my potential...because you found my rapist guilty, it’s had impacts that are travelling slowly through the generations.

That’s on you.

/11

I wonder what you’d say to other people who are called to sit on a child rape case.

I hope you might say that you knew I’d make it; that I’d be okay one day.

And if you returned a ‘not guilty’ verdict, that you’ll never forget that victim.

That you’ll think of them.

/12

One day I hope I’ll meet you.

Maybe that’s unusual.

I’ve made up stories about your life since then. I imagine your colleagues congratulating you & there’s a quiche- your all time favourite.

It’s fantasticly yum. You feel warm & happy like when you learned to ride a bike.

/13

You ask your boss where the food came from but no one seems to know.

They were looking the other way; listening to you tell the story about the trial of a young rape victim who came forward after 25 years of silence.

The plate is empty.
It’s washed up & put away.

/14

When I think of your life, it wasn’t ruined because of the time you lost in court.

You got the promotion you deserved, with some extra money because you helped jail a serial paedophile.

You’re on holidays, swimming in the ocean off Port Douglas where turtles follow you.

/15

You watch the deep water as the shelf drops away & you wonder where the bottom is.

You call your new puppy Lilly.

You’re part of something that was bigger than just you; it feels like the home you knew I wanted.

That’s who I want you to be.

I hope it’s true.

/end