this inspired an idea for a thread! seriously - i know it’s really on the nose; timing-wise, and it seems insincere, but as soon as i saw this, the gears in my head started turning. fellow white neurodivergents and/or mentally ill folks, let’s talk about all this: https://twitter.com/iwritecoolstuff/status/1384648180193705988

one thing that i’ve noticed about myself - and others - is that we are actually more stubborn about our racism and racist behavior than neurotypicals, and whenever we’re tasked with holding ourselves accountable, we flounder and flail and victimize ourselves. (i don’t believe in

the “victim mindset” when it comes to real victims, but we are rarely if ever real victims in these situations.) our stubbornness stems from our racism and racist behavior themselves, obviously, but it also stems from our neurodivergency. our specifically white neurodivergency.

we are so used to thinking and feeling like we are somehow exempt from and/or outside of society that we imagine we are somehow exempt from and/or outside of racism as well. when confronted for being or acting racist, we have an even harder time believing it than white

neurotypicals. if and when we finally believe it, or we think we do, we are still more stubborn than neurotypicals. one specific example of this that i can think of is, well, personal. i strongly suspect i have osdd, and i feel distinctly different from the version of me that

sealioned and argued quite relentlessly with @iwritecoolstuff - the very person i quoted at the top of this thread - but i would never dare suggest that i am not at fault. that version of me is still me. however, i do know and have seen other systems and neurodivergent singlets

who seem to think and feel that they are not only blameless but also perfectly innocent. i do know and have seen multiple mentally ill folks who pity themselves after revealing *their* intrusive thoughts are slurs, including the *n word*. (i’m not saying you’re not allowed

to have intrusive thoughts, but i for one would take that with me to the grave.) this is different from neurotypical behavior in that we will make up excuses based in our real identities - thereby trivializing and infantilizing ourselves - while neurotypicals will simply

gaslight - especially, particularly - Black people. we will go to any lengths to avoid even entertaining accountability and true “anti-racism”-as-a-verb. we make up these excuses, including the popular “i didn’t know”/“i can’t read social cues”/“i don’t want to be wrong” because

of this. i’ve used this excuse many times before, and so have you, and now every single time i see someone else use it, it’s like looking in a mirror. which is sickening. we are just as much a part of the same system that kills Black people for existing, even if we don’t think of

ourselves as violent, and the fact that we can rarely spare a thought for it is very telling. it tells us - and everyone watching us - that we aren’t as honest or as objective as we would like to be, and that we can’t be trusted. and guess what? this, right here, is the bare

minimum. if this seems shocking to you, let me make it clear that it shouldn’t be. we don’t get cookies for admitting this. it is barely a first step. but don’t let that stop you. you should fear giving up far more than you should fear being wrong.