it's really drilled into boys and young men that being vulnerable in any way is bad. not in overt ways. nobody ever says "if you show emotion you're not a man"

okay some people do say that - and they're the worst

but it's in the media we watched, the world around us

the cartoons we saw as kid made a point, deliberately or otherwise, to rarely ever show male characters in ways that were considered non-masculine

they rarely cried, or spoke softly, or talked about what made them upset or angry

that shit gets coded into young boys brains

what movies had male protagonists that were vulnerable? what movies and shows made a point to show it was okay not to be anything but a rock-solid MAN all the time?

when it WAS depicted - it was depicted as comedic, or lame. looked down upon in the world of the media we saw

men grow up believing that all men are islands. meant to stand independently of others, rocks for the world that don't need support themselves

rocks that were indestructible - because rocks that weren't were worthless. a joke. lame.

there's a million and ten or so possible roots that toxic masculinity can use to take root in somebody. most of them are completely subtle

it's not that all men are innately terrible. it's that the culture has created this idyllic version of a man. and it isn't a good one.

and how many men are raised and see different aspects of this "perfect man" and try to emulate it? most of them, probably.

the side effects of this are bad. they'll look down on others. they'll treat women poorly. they'll hate themselves if they don't match up.

men are so afraid of vulnerability - being perceived as weak and non-masculine, they'd rather die than be seen that way.

toxic masculinity doesn't mean masculinity is toxic.
it refers to the aspects of masculinity that are bad for everybody that need to be discarded

the waste of toxic masculinity is misogyny, it's bitter self loathing, it's homophobia and transphobia
it's terrible.

i don't know why i decided to make this thread tbh i just had thoughts i wanted to write out