thinking abt a modern au where wwx has the same "why would someone like another person" conversation with yanli & panics & lies that there isn't anyone, but with no Plot to distract her yanli is fixated & immediately starts plotting to get her little brother together w his crush

wwx realizes he has set her on a Mission and she's definitely smart enough to figure out he's talking about lwj, bc lwj is his best friend in the world and also the best person alive and honestly why would anyone have a crush on literally anyone else

but obviously he CANNOT allow her to confirm her suspicions bc, mortifying, and what if lwj FOUND OUT, so he proceeds to. Fake date everyone else he knows.

he starts with nhs, bc nhs is always down for Schemes, and anyway already knows abt this wwx's crush due to wwx's telling him while drunk (he always says "and because I have EYES" but whatever). yanli is confused, but happy for him, & wwx thinks they might pull this off...

...up until nhs gets caught making out with some guy from the basketball team behind the gym & they have to stage a big messy breakup (this is, of course, nhs' favorite part; he cries beautifully). & wwx isn't really sure anyone bought him being, like, in LOVE with nhs anyway

(for example--when wwx told lwj they were dating he'd just stared at him & asked in a clipped voice if Huaisang made him happy, & wwx had squirmed off his fishhook gaze & muttered something about just having fun, so maybe nhs wasn't the only one not selling their grand romance.)

I can't decide if wen qing or mianmian is next but it's a weird stab at misdirection--maybe yanli will think he's straight? he never actually came out to her? but wait he dated Huaisang so probably scratch that but also, Huaisang gender, so maybe unscratch it?

either way he has to call it off when wq & mianmian decide they'd much prefer to be making out with each other, actually, so kindly fuck off w your schemes. this time he makes a better effort at being upset at the breakup--he IS a little hurt!--& lwj buys him lunch in sympathy.

the thing is, after that his pool of options is pretty much gone, &. well. lwj keeps Looking at him. so he breaks, & tells him that these have been fake relationships to get his sister off his back bc he accidentally & COMPLETELY UNTRUTHFULLY led her to believe he has a crush.

she's just so invested in his happiness, and seemed SO excited for him to have someone, so he's been trying to fake date people to make her happy without leading anyone on. but obviously lwj can see how well THAT keeps going!! he should probably just give up, probably.

lwj puts down his fork and wipes his hands on his napkin and says, "or date me."

wwx stares at him.

It. Makes sense, in the version of this he's told lwj. there's no reason he'd be any different from Huaisang or Wen Qing or Mianmian. Probably less likely to make out with anyone and ruin the plan, given that he apparently has zero interest in people at all.

But.

In the REAL VERSION, the version wherein wwx is desperate to have yanli think he likes ANYONE BUT lwj, it's the last thing he wants!! yanli will take one look at them and be SMUG in her quiet (and perfect, obviously) way, and probably start, like, planning their WEDDING.

but he can't. say that. and lwj is just looking at him, a little line forming between his brows. and. the idea of pretending to date lwj is terribly, guiltily tempting. it, like. it's the closest he'll ever get to the real thing.

so he takes a breath, and grins. "really?" he asks. "lan zhan, you'd do that for me?"

lwj inclines his head.

wwx is suddenly nervous. he laughs, his leg bouncing. "I would've asked you sooner," he lies, "but. I didn't think anyone would believe it! Haha. You and me."

lwj folds his hands--sometimes he does when he's uncomfortable. like he's pulling an imaginary cloak around his shoulders. even his discomfort is dignified, thinks wwx, guiltily.

"I understand," lwj says. "I am--dull, in comparison. It does not seem an obvious match."

wwx stares at him. "dull?! lan zhan, I meant bc you're like, way too cool for me!! You're so--organized and responsible and chill and," hot, way too hot, "just, I'm a huge disaster, I meant no one would believe you'd agree to date ME."

lwj meets his eyes again. "I would."

augh. "as a favor! because you're such an excellent friend," wwx chirps, to remind himself, so he doesn't go insane. "I really do appreciate it, lan zhan, you're the best. It probably won't be for too long--jie will be so happy, she likes you very much, & in like a month or--

--whatever we can go back to being friends, she'll have moved onto more important stuff than my love life."

lwj hums neutrally, hesitates. "I think. If I may tell my family. It would make my brother happy as well."

wwx blinks at him. "Really?"

lwj nods. "he worries about my love life, as well. my lack of one."

wwx cocks his head. "huh. have you told him you're just not interested in that stuff? he doesn't seem like he'd be pushy."

lwj regards him for a moment and then drops his gaze. "I am not uninterested."

wwx sits up very straight, very fast. "You--you're not? You want to date people? Oh my god, have you--have you had crushes on people? lan zhan! who!"

lwj sighs, sharp. his ears are pink. "wei ying."

wwx subsides. "sorry, sorry, I'm as bad as jiejie."

he swallows hard and tries to pretend that he's not having a whole internal meltdown about the fact that lwj might someday date someone for real. "are you sure you want to go out with me, then? what if your crush sees?" he blinks. "oh! are you hoping to make them jealous??"

lwj still isn't saying anything, so wwx barrels on, bc that's how this goes, with them. "I can absolutely help with that, lan zhan. I know you don't like to be touched but like. we can hold hands? I can. I can, um, kiss your cheek? if you give me a signal when they're around?"

lwj takes a breath, frowning. "wei ying. I—it is not. likely. that they will be jealous of you."

the confirmation that he DOES have a crush sinks to the bottom of wwx's stomach like a brick. "I don't see how," wwx blathers, over his rising panic. "everyone else will be! haha."

lwj hesitates another moment, and then nods. "alright."

wwx blinks at him. "alright?"

"we should—engage in PDA," says lwj, his ears an adorable pink. "I will signal you."

"okay," says wwx, helplessly. "cool. great."

so: they fake date. wwx is an old hand at this, now, so he expects it to go pretty seamlessly, even with his stupid Real Feelings in the way. And in a way, it does? it's surprisingly easy to transition from just regular hanging out with lwj all the time to Dating Him.

wwx has a strategy, now, for how to sell a fake relationship. sure, it had only sort of worked the last two times, but third time's the charm, right? so.

step 1: Be Seen Together. this was easiest with nhs, bc they don't actually hang out that often just the two of them. jiang cheng had thought they were planning pranks, but then nhs had stuck his tongue in wwx's ear, and that was that.

it is... harder, with lan zhan. not, like, being seen together, that happens all the time, but Seen Together, with the capital letters. they get lunch; they get boba; they go to the library; they even Hold Hands at the library, & no one seems to notice anything has changed at all

lwj, a genius, finds their solution: he takes wwx out to dinner. like, Dinner. like, candles, & wine, & multiple courses. he wears a /suit/. wwx does not own a suit, so he wears black jeans and a blazer and tries not to blush too bad when lwj pulls his chair out for him.

it's a much fancier restaurant than any of their friends regularly frequent, so he worries a little that while they're being Seen it's not by anyone who matters, but. he also sort of gets lost in the fantasy of it and forgets to care, for a while.

lwj looks—incredible, both bc /suit/ and also just. he seems? happy? his eyes are soft in the candlelight when he catches wwx looking at him. he's probably just relieved to be eating rich person food again after all the crap wwx orders them, but. it's nice. wwx feels—wanted.

when someone clears their throat politely behind him, it feels like being jolted from a dream. he sees lwj's face, first—resignation, slight annoyance—and then turns to see lan xichen, his own face alight with poorly-disguised delight.

"wangji," he says, "fancy seeing you here! and wei wuxian! how lovely."

wwx can feel his face heat. "hi."

"brother," says lwj, "we are on a date." his tone is pointed. he's doing a great job of sounding actually disgruntled, & not like this is the only reason they're there.

this is wei wuxian's cue, probably, & he takes it. "can you believe it?" he asks, throwing a wink at lwj. "I asked and asked, and he finally gave into my charms."

lxc's eyebrows rise. "is that so?"

when wwx looks back at lwj he looks fond. "no," he says. "i asked him."

wwx gapes at him. it—it's true, but. it sounds—no one is going to believe him! "well," he grumbles. "technically. but I was—was putting it on the table! laying it all out! i made it pretty easy to guess my answer."

lwj shakes his head, his eyes on wwx's face. "I was terrified."

wwx blinks at him. "but you're—" doing me a favor, he almost says, and then remembers lxc is still there. it's hard, with lwj's gaze on him like this.

"lan zhan," he course-corrects; leans forward. "babe. darling. you /cannot/ think i would turn you down."

lwj takes a tiny breath at the pet names, but he doesn't seem displeased. "i did," he says quietly. "for a long time. I—was certain of it."

all of wwx's fake dating experiences have not prepared him for this. he doesn't understand why this is the angle lwj is pursuing!

in front of his BROTHER, of all people! it makes sense, now, why they came here; it makes sense that lwj would want lxc to see this first hand rather than hearing about it later, but. trying to sell it like he's been—what, pining? for wwx??? it's patently absurd.

he blows out a breath and turns to lxc. "can you believe this guy? look at him right now, god's literal gift to man in that suit, and he seems to think i'm not actually /dying/ to let him wine and dine me."

lxc's eyes crinkle up. "i'll let him get back to it," he says.

he smiles at lwj. "it is a nice suit, wangji. is it new?"

lwj nods. "mn."

lxc nods again. "nice to see you, wei wuxian," he says, and turns away.

wwx throws a distracted "you too" at his back and then spins to lwj. "lan zhan! you /bought a suit/? for our f—first date?!"

lwj doesn't even have the decency to look ashamed of himself. "it could be rented."

wwx narrows his eyes at him. "is it?"

"no," says lwj, sipping his mineral water. "it is what wei ying deserves."

wwx buries his head in his hands. "lan zhan. you—" he cuts himself off.

he can feel lwj's gaze on him, and peeks through his fingers at him. he looks caught between amusement and concern. "I?" he asks.

"you're just—ridiculous," wwx mutters. "your crush doesn't know what they're missing."

lwj's face shifts. "wei ying."

wwx picks up his wine, a thought occurring. "they're--they're not here, right? you brought us here to show your brother?"

lwj doesn't look around. "he is here," he says.

wwx shoves his face into his wineglass and tries to be completely normal about that pronoun reveal.

it's not that he thought lwj was straight, but--it's--for one thing it narrows down the candidates in the room, and he tries to sip wine and look around subtly at the same time. he sees lxc sitting with two people at a distant table; one of them is nmj, which--surely not, right??

nmj IS super hot, but he's like 100% hung up on lxx & has been for years, it is WAY too sad to think--

"wei ying," says lwj, & wwx turns back to him. "focus."

"ah, sorry." he bonks himself on the head with his fist. "nosy. I'll respect your privacy, lan zhan, I promise."

lwj toys with his napkin. "do you," he says slowly, and then stops.

wwx blinks at him. "lan zhan?"

"we never set a signal," says lwj, and wwx's heart kicks up in his chest.

"oh," he says. "/oh/." he shifts in his chair, then leans forward. "I can--how's this."

he pushes himself up to lean across the table, aiming for lwj's cheek, but lwj catches his chin with warm fingers & redirects him so their lips meet. wwx's breath stutters through his nose, lwj's mouth moving soft against his. his eyes are closed, long lashes against his cheeks.

wwx closes his eyes, too, against the sheer beauty of him; keeps them closed when lwj breaks the kiss and murmurs, "was that okay?" into the miniscule space between them.

"I," says wwx, heart thundering so loud he can barely hear himself. "yes, yeah, we should---again?"

lwj sighs, feather-light, and his hand traces back along wwx's jaw to tangle in the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling wwx even closer and changing the angle. it's--god. he slides his hands down lwj's shoulders, tugs at his lapels, wants to crawl across the table into his lap.

instead he pushes himself back. lwj's hand curls in his hair, then quickly uncurls, letting him go. wwx collapses back into his own chair. "well." he says. "I think. that did it, probably."

their candles have burned down; the lower light makes lwj's eyes a deep amber. "mn."

wwx finishes his wine. he's not even tipsy, but he feels—dazed, spaced out, so much so that he doesn't even fight it when lwj insists on paying their full bill. he glances over at lxc's table; nmj isn't looking at them, but the other man, the short one wwx doesn't recognize, is.

so. um. step 1, complete.

Step 2: Tell Jie is usually the easiest one. with huaisang he'd just showed up with an arm across his shoulders like "guess who's datinnnnng!" & wen qing had just texted her herself—"to check if it was cool," which wwx didn't really get, but, whatever.

but with lan zhan. he practices a couple times, in front of his mirror. "we're dating!" he says, cheerfully, into his own eyes. "lan zhan & me. um." it gets hollower, more pathetic with every word. "lan zhan asked me out," he tries, &. god. there's no way he can pull this off.

telling nothing lies to yanli is one thing - he's been doing that forever. & it wouldn't have /mattered/ if she figured out he was lying abt nhs or wq. they could've just laughed it off. but this—she's going to see right through him, & then he's going to /cry/, & lwj will /know/.

but this, somehow, miraculously, has also been solved by lwj's genius opening gambit, bc as soon as they get to yanli's garden party (lwj in a sort of sheer blouse situation that wwx has been happily ogling to distract himself from his imminent humiliation) she pulls him aside.

"I heard," she says, pleased as punch, "you had a hot date last week."

he blinks at her. "I—yes. I did. from who?"

it's not exactly a coherent sentence, but she seems to follow anyway. "a-yao," she says, and then at his blank look she sighs.

"a-xuan's half-brother," she says, in her you-should-really-know-this-but-i-love-you-anyway tone of voice.

wwx squints. "the makeup artist? he has SO many half-brothers, jie."

"just the two that matter," yanli says. "and this is the other one."

lwj appears at wwx's side.

yanli beams at him. "wangji! thank you for finally treating a-xian right, did you know neither of his last relationships bought him dinner even once?"

"a travesty," lwj agrees, with all apparent seriousness, and slips his hand into wwx's, threading their fingers together.

wwx squeezes his hand, because he can, because they're still fake dating, because he didn't have to lie.

"a-yao said it looked like you had a /lovely/ time," yanli continues. "i'm surprised a-xian has forgotten who he is, since i understand he is... involved with your brother."

lwj makes a subtly disapproving sound which could mean anything from "he is & i hate it bc I hate him as a person" to "he is & i hate it bc it makes nmj who i'm secretly in love with very sad."

wwx presses a hand to his heart so he doesn't try to obsessively determine which one.

"guilted from both sides, jie!" he says dramatically, & then pauses. "wait, if he's your husband's half-brother, and he's dating my boyfriend's brother, that kind of makes him my half-brother-in-law... twice?"

"more reason to recognize him on sight," yanli says tartly.

"next time—" she pauses, cuts herself off. "oh, excuse me, the nies are here." she gives wwx a mysteriously amused look. "I hope that won't cause any drama."

wwx blinks. "why?" he asks, and then remembers that nhs is supposedly his ex. "I mean, uh. nope. we're chill. he knows."

unfortunately nhs DOES know—way too much. about wwx's giant fucking crush, for example, & presumably about their date, bc nmj was there, &. god, he's INSTANTLY making a beeline for them. wwx had been so obsessed with his potential humiliation he'd totally let his guard down.

"boyfriend," says lwj from next to him, & wwx turns to him, blinking.

"what?" he asks, wondering if they could hide in a bush or something.

lwj shakes his head, once, sharp, & then raises his free hand to cup his jaw. before wwx knows what's happening, he's leaning down.

"oh," says wwx against his mouth, & then lwj sucks at his lower lip & wwx groans & then lwj is kissing him in earnest, licking into his mouth, & wwx forgets all about nhs & the party & anything other than the way lwj is basically holding him up by the jaw, his legs gone to jelly.

from somewhere nearby someone wolf-whistles. lwj breaks off. he's breathing a little hard—chest rising and falling rapidly under wwx's hands. "wei ying," he says. "my boyfriend."

wwx feels like his heart might /explode/, and then nhs says, from far too close by, "hot damn!"

wwx, reluctantly--excruciatingly--turns. "Huaisang," he says. "can you. not, please. we're having a moment, here."

"are you!" nhs exclaims. "so sorry, I hadn't noticed. and you'd still be having a moment if I weren't here, huh? absolutely fascinating."

wwx takes a long breath and cuts a sideways glance at lwj. they hadn't discussed what to do about wwx's other... the other people who know about his schemes. there's no reason to keep up the act in front of them, after all. but.

but lwj just wraps an arm around him, possessive, his hand settling hot against wwx's hip, and glares absolute daggers. "Huaisang."

nhs, due to long mostly-reluctant association, is nearly as good at reading lwj's faces as wwx is, and he holds up his hands.