Apple's AirTag is a revolutionary technology that lets you attach a $40 dongle to items to discourage you from losing them

The invention of a costly free-range dongle with no device to attach to marks the apotheosis of a 30-year arc in Apple product design

Apple's war on grandparents continues with this fully touch-sensitive monstrosity with a Siri button on the side, for easy misclicking

Tim Cook now boasting that the Zappos app is built to run natively on Apple's new M1 processor, so you can order over 400,000 shoes per second

Oh man, to be a fly on the wall at this design meeting.

"I'm thinking metallic slab on a metal hinge"

"Hinge sold separately?"

"Of course."

"I love it! But lose 5 of those ports on the back"

No HDMI port or SD card but this top-of-the-line 2021 performance workstation will look fantastic with Hello Kitty ears

#courage

No amount of keyboard redesign will ever touch Caps Lock

8 GB of memory! Ethernet! Two usable ports! And the pro model even comes with an internal clock card!

There's some really nice design call-outs here to older Mac design language, like the iMac-like color palette, or putting a "turn off my computer" button right next to the delete key.

iPad now has 5G and interoperates seamlessly with both Pfizer and Moderna. (Johnson and Johnson still requires Apple Watch)

I really hope whatever marketing executive originally came up with "Retina Display" still works at Apple and just has to take this shit (delivered by a guy who wears dad sneakers with jeans)

The good news is the smaller iPad Pro costs under a thousand bucks. The bad news is that it physically can't be detached from the larger one

Apple definitely hired some Windows packaging designers this year

15 years ago this was wonderful satire, now it's just Apple

Pretty excited about the market for stolen $450 Hermès luggage tags. This is like buying a solid gold mounting bracket for your car alarm. Apple should offer a second, smaller AirTag stitched into it.