If you are a parent, I encourage you to keep an open dialogue with your child around gender issues.

My child has many friends who use names and/or pronouns at school and with each other that their parents don’t know about because the kids are scared to talk about it with them.

This generation experiences gender differently.

Some are cis, and some are trans, but it goes beyond that.

Some are cis but gender non-conforming in terms of gender presentation. Others are non-binary (aka “enby” as a phonetic pronunciation of “NB”) in terms of gender identity.

Assigned sex at birth, gender identity, and gender presentation are all experienced as separate and distinct issues.

All of those things are separate and distinct yet again from sexual orientation and relational identity in that regard.

Furthermore, all of this can be fluid.

As a parent with whom these situational identities are shared by my child and her friends, I navigate multiple data sets for given individuals, referring to them by their birth names and assigned pronouns with parents and by their chosen names and identified pronouns in person.

I’ve also found myself in the position of trying to help them understand the legal bind teachers can find themselves in with regard to how the children are asking to be identified at school when their parents are unaware of their situationally distinct identity assertions.

All this can be new territory for older people, even old queers like me. It can be confusing—and even the well-meaning among us will mess up.

But this is their world now.

It’s our responsibility to do our best to understand and respect the world they’re creating for themselves.

I am speaking to those who can hear—which will not be everyone.

Parental code usually necessitates sharing significant information, but one has to weigh potential harm

I take seriously the possibility of abuse or rejection. That’s why I hold these kids’ confidences closely. https://twitter.com/stels_bells/status/1384137076807852034

Parents who are open can easily communicate they’re safe to talk to, whether or not it’s an issue they think their child and their friends are exploring.

(Trust me: you cannot tell by looking.)

Create ready ground. Plant the seeds showing receptivity. Let the conversation grow.

And, when you don’t know what to do, ask them.

My daughter has a new person in her life. This teen goes by they/them with friends, but he/him with parents. Their chosen name is close to their given name so passes as a nickname

But I didn’t know how to refer to them, so I asked: