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my life is over and i don’t have a future (thread)
ive made this thread like 3 times before but i figured id make the short version
ive made this thread like 3 times before but i figured id make the short version
so to start i have 4 (possibly 5) different interlocking mental disorders that have fucked me over my whole life. ADHD, autism, anxiety disorder, PTSD, and possible OCD
my mother is forcing me to become a “madman in the attic” eternally dependent on her for everything.
my mother is forcing me to become a “madman in the attic” eternally dependent on her for everything.
she is forcing me to move halfway across the country with her so she can bind me up in contracts that keep me dependent.
i have never made a decision in my life for myself. i dont have a drivers license. my relationship with my mother is like that of a 12yo and their parents
i have never made a decision in my life for myself. i dont have a drivers license. my relationship with my mother is like that of a 12yo and their parents
i have zero autonomy or say in what happens to me and she wants to keep it that way. for the rest of my life.
i have two useless associates degrees in political science and communications (again, mom forced me to get them, i had no choice in any of this) and 2 years of retail
i have two useless associates degrees in political science and communications (again, mom forced me to get them, i had no choice in any of this) and 2 years of retail
the US doesn't have a functioning welfare state and the cost of living is batshit insane. no job pays a living wage especially "entry level" jobs. i cannot survive without financial support from family but given my situation that support comes with the loss of autonomy
also i’m bi (gay leaning) and closeted. my family are homophobic and would exert even more control if i came out to prevent me from having sex or dating guys.
on top of all this, i have a number of physical/cosmetic issues that basically kill any self confidence i have left, even if i could escape i have no motivation to left because i hate my own body
i have horrible crooked teeth i never got braces to fix (because of one of my mental disabilities). it’s too late to fix them now and my disability still stops me from getting the braces still
i have really bad acne that never goes away no matter what i put on it and my mom blocks me from getting accutane
i have way too much body hair and have to shave multiple times a day due to the insane rate at which my facial hair grows.
i have way too much body hair and have to shave multiple times a day due to the insane rate at which my facial hair grows.
i want to remove all the body hair too but the growth rate is probably identical
so ill always be hideous and never get better, it only gets worse with age and once i hit 30 i wont even be "allowed" to go for the cute aesthetic i want
so ill always be hideous and never get better, it only gets worse with age and once i hit 30 i wont even be "allowed" to go for the cute aesthetic i want
i was basically fucked from birth and nothing will ever save me
even if i escape ill always be hideous and insane.
even if i escape ill always be hideous and insane.
previous threads expanding on this: https://twitter.com/soarel325/status/1375757379539673088
you’ll have to keep checking replies on this one, the thread gets cut off at a few points by other people https://twitter.com/soarel325/status/1382131923896528898
also, i’m stuck on apple products including a severely outdated version of os x thanks to a lot of stupid fuckery involving an old account of mine from my teens and apple’s “walled garden” ecosystem
but this problem is disconnected from the rest, i can elaborate if you ask
but this problem is disconnected from the rest, i can elaborate if you ask
just to clarify the reason im using apple products at all to begin with is because my dad used to work for the company and we got freebies
i want to leave the ecosystem entirely for security reasons and because they're expensive
i want to leave the ecosystem entirely for security reasons and because they're expensive
but i can't because my email is on icloud and the account with the fuckery is on that email. if i delete the email bad things are going to happen to me security wise (again i can explain if you want, its a very weird situation)
no i cannot delete the account, thats the entire problem. if i could delete it i would have transferred off apple already.
but again this is too much about a secondary problem at most
but again this is too much about a secondary problem at most
Update:
I'm being dragged. It's over. There's nothing I can do.
I have been in a state of panic attack for the last 2 days.
There are so many other factors here driving me insane on top of ALL of this. Just...things I'm connected to and fear of online mobs mostly
I'm being dragged. It's over. There's nothing I can do.
I have been in a state of panic attack for the last 2 days.
There are so many other factors here driving me insane on top of ALL of this. Just...things I'm connected to and fear of online mobs mostly
im connected to too many things i never asked to be and i can never destroy the connections because of the fucking reddit account being “banned” via me not being able to log in but not actually deleted.
i lost my youth. theres no way to get it back or retroactively impose the experiences everyone else had back onto me.
ill never look good.
ill never be confident in myself.
ill never control anything.
ill never look good.
ill never be confident in myself.
ill never control anything.
and im stuck on old hardware and software i cant leave because of a fucking reddit account i had as a teenager
i live like a 12 year old, i always have, i have never made a decision for myself in my life, and my mom is shackling me into this state for eternity.
oh, others have had this fight
they escaped at 16
they escaped at 18
i am 22
it is too late to establish my own life
they escaped at 16
they escaped at 18
i am 22
it is too late to establish my own life
they also didnt have to deal with 3 compounding traits of hideousness that are near impossible to fix and kill any self confidence
AND the whole apple ecosystem reddit issue which makes me sound like an insane person even trying to explain to people
AND the whole apple ecosystem reddit issue which makes me sound like an insane person even trying to explain to people
the reason im even tied to so much online in the first place is because i gave up on ever controlling my offline life in my teens in the face of my abusive father
i retreated online and entrenched myself there, and as a result lost any chance of ever controlling my life offline
i retreated online and entrenched myself there, and as a result lost any chance of ever controlling my life offline
check the 2 posts below this as well https://twitter.com/soarel325/status/1386901125895315460
i only have so much time to be myself and i lost 4 years of it already
trying to rebuild my life will cost me the next 4 years or more and by the time everything is in order i will have hit the age where i can no longer be myself.
trying to rebuild my life will cost me the next 4 years or more and by the time everything is in order i will have hit the age where i can no longer be myself.
past 30 you're supposed to be a fucking automaton and "settle" down. muh career, muh kids, muh picket fence. you can't be a dumb goofball with no real ambitions who likes stupid horny shit and plays tabletop games. thats a teens-20s thing. can't have that pas then.
everyone around me will be a fucking automaton and i will be shamed for not being one. its insanely stigmatized. i could ignore the stigma...if i wasnt also an autistic hentai weirdo with so much online dirt and connections on me.
and oh. if looking the way i want to past 30 wasnt already stereotyped as a predator groomer thing.
i wonder what being someone who only hangs out with 18-25 year old because everyone your own age has decayed into a gray conformist automaton adds to that.
i wonder what being someone who only hangs out with 18-25 year old because everyone your own age has decayed into a gray conformist automaton adds to that.
this is the BEST CASE SCENARIO. in which i manage to escape the clutches of my family and establish my own life which i control and can afford to support without going insane.
