What meaning can one make of being a victim of rape and/or domestic violence as a trans man?

Victimhood in general, and these types of victimhood in particular, are very highly gendered in our culture.

Cis men who have been victims struggle with this quite a bit. It's often felt to be an attack or even a negation of their manhood.

Unfortunately, trans men seem to be unusually likely to be victims of rape and domestic violence. More so than trans or cis women, which IS A BIT AWKWARD.

(Nonbinary female-assigned people are even MORE at risk than trans men, fyi.)

For trans men who are victims our trauma is compounded not just by out own insecurities at being a man and a victim, but because transandrophobia thrives on this intersection of transness, masculinity, and victimhood.

To a transphobe, the high rate of victimization of trans men is the proof they've been looking for all along. Since they literally define womanhood by victimization and vulnerability, if we are victims, if we are vulnerable, we cannot be men.

For the most part, trans men have dealt with this by ignoring and downplaying it, which to me makes a lot of sense. Here's something that's painful as fuck already, without adding this transandrophobic layer and undermining our gender identities just by talking about it.

I'm saying trans men purposefully, because this isn't nearly as true of transmasculine nonbinary people, or of other female-assigned nonbinary people.

Those groups have a release valve in not having to square a binary male identity with highly gendered/feminized violence.

Trans men have no such release valve. As male victims of rape and domestic violence we experience the same doubts and insecurities about that fact as cis men would, but in our case those doubts and insecurities will be validated and reflected back at us if we speak about it.

Trans guy: I feel like maybe I'm not a real man because I was raped.

Transphobic society: Oh, you're definitely not a real man if you were raped.

Trans guy: I will never speak of this again.

People can be very harsh toward trans men, but I want to be mindful this is the masculine socialization we missed out on as kids.

No one thinks "this person might be a victim, he might be sensitive about this topic, I should go gently" if they're talking to a man. Cis or trans.

I really believe that trans men have a role in reshaping masculinity to allow for change but also for taking pride in oneself as a man or masculine person.

Learning to give, but also ask for and receive, gentleness is something I would want for all men who have been victims.