we& #39;re all having a good time with the "different person after covid" thing but between the pandemic and my depression I really am afraid I& #39;m coming through this as a different person, and a worse one
we& #39;re coming up on a year since I watched a movie. I don& #39;t read any books or comics. I haven& #39;t listened to any music.
my main hobby before all this was board gaming. I haven& #39;t played a board game (even online) in almost a year. I have no interest in them anymore. I& #39;ve logged on to BGG once in the past several months.
weekends and days off from work are anxiety-producing for me because I don& #39;t know what to *do* with myself. all I *want* to do is play around on my phone
the only things I still do are crossword puzzles, video games, and duolingo. Those are fine, but they aren& #39;t much.
I like workdays because I usually have something to do (it is bad for me when work is slow and I don& #39;t have any tasks) and because there& #39;s a structure to the day. non-workdays are no good.
so yeah, I do feel like I& #39;m a different person. a hollow one. I leaned into the solitary do-nothing environment that covid instilled and my depression thrived in and now I& #39;m not sure how to get out of it
politically I& #39;m a dead fish. What happened during the Trump years and what& #39;s happening now have bled all my hope away. a better world is possible -- it MUST be -- but it will never be fulfilled by this wretched cruel country
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