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I hate this, honestly. I'm aware of my entire thought process yet I'm unable to pull out of the spiral of negativity anyway.
When it comes to art I want pictures that will fulfill this weird emotional hole in me - that will make me feel happy about having the kinks that I do.
When it comes to art I want pictures that will fulfill this weird emotional hole in me - that will make me feel happy about having the kinks that I do.
it actually really bothers me that almost everything that I draw or commission features a giant white void background. It bothers me that the stuff I commission sometimes turns out to be unsatisfying. There are pictures I've gotten that I don't like at all.
I have a lot of desires that won't ever see the light of day if I don't commission or draw them myself. I've come to realize that seeing hyper characters living happy, sexually-positive or even slutty lives is actually deeply comforting to me.
because that carries the subtext of "hey, that weird kink you're extremely self-conscious about and you can't actually talk about publicly, often not even to other furries? Yeah no it's normal to like it and you shouldn't feel bad, look how happy they are enjoying it~"
So like when I say "growth is best when shared with friends" I mean it on like the most sincere level possible, my ideal world is the sort depicted in doug winger or gideon or rabid art where everyone's casually oversized and living happy stress-free lives without worry
but conversely the thing is that it's really, really hard to achieve that feeling in a single picture without a fully-realized background and other things and I'm certainly not capable of drawing it myself and can't really afford to commission it often, either >_>
and I guess the whole reason I did this thread was to try and figure out why it bothers me so much but now that I've said all this it's probably this distinct feeling that the world has been ridiculously shitty for the past five years or more and it's probably given me
an actual (low-grade) anxiety disorder but I don't have the capacity to get art which will help me feel better about it and forget about the shittiness even temporarily because it's increasingly being priced out of my budget.
I got really mad at the auction thing because my immediate visceral response was "this art is too mediocre to be worth $1200, the whales only want it because the artist has 10K followers" and I still sort of feel that way but the underlying corollary is also kind of...
"I can't even bring myself to pay $200 for a fully colored piece, I'd LOVE to get something from like boosterpang or some shit but even if I could afford it I get anxiety just thinking about getting a slot because WHAT IF IT DOESN'T TURN OUT AS WELL AS I NEED IT TO" and... and...
I guess it just doesn't feel fair.
