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birthdays can be hard for autistics.
the build up, the excess attention, not knowing what gifts you& #39;ll receive and how you& #39;ll receive/react to them, messages from *too many* people. birthdays can be so so overwhelming and i wish allistics stopped labelling us as ungrateful.
the build up, the excess attention, not knowing what gifts you& #39;ll receive and how you& #39;ll receive/react to them, messages from *too many* people. birthdays can be so so overwhelming and i wish allistics stopped labelling us as ungrateful.
for me, i feel so much anxiety around my birthday and i wake up full of dread - my family *always* ask me what i want to do and i *always* say that i don& #39;t know. if i had my way, i& #39;d do nothing but that just makes me feel guilty because i know they want to do something.
i feel guilty when someone gives me a gift i didn& #39;t ask for, despite always requesting that people follow a list - but as i get older, that list gets harder and harder to make. it feels like there& #39;s no winning. i don& #39;t like surprises and i& #39;m not very good at pretending.
i almost always end up in tears by mid morning & i never used to know why. now i know it& #39;s because i& #39;m autistic & birthdays are just so overwhelming, especially my own. they& #39;re so awkward & i just want to escape. at school i was so relieved my birthday was always in the holidays.
other people just don& #39;t get that i& #39;d rather ignore it, they think i& #39;m just pretending and that i *do* want to do something huge, or when they do ignore it like i ask, i feel *intense* RSD from my adhd. i don& #39;t know what i want and there& #39;s no good outcome.
idk, i think i just wanted to talk about it on here because very few people IRL get it. my older sister LOVES birthdays and adores being the centre of attention, she doesn& #39;t understand that i don& #39;t. i just feel so uncomfortable every year without fail & the day is full of anxiety
anyway lmao happy 21st to me pls don& #39;t come for me today
