I used to believe in police reform. my primary reason for believing in it: it didn’t require me to do any work on my own. I didn’t trust the cops, but I wanted them to become trustworthy. once I learned about the institution, my mind changed.

I think a lot of folks are exhausted by surviving this shitshow. I think coping fatigue diminishes and then destroys imaginations.

so, I’m not necessarily mad at certain ppl who insist on reform. I get it. you’re tired. you want ppl who pledge their service to actually give it. there is nothing wrong with that want. nothing wrong with being tired. they’re not gonna do it though.

it’s not a luxury for me to have divested mentally from a lot of this shit; my divestment is a matter of taking the best possible care of myself. believing in the system has failed me many times over. relying on it when and where I can is intentional and selective as hell.

when it comes to Black folks especially, a lot of us are still waiting for the systems that take so much from us to give barn to us. I cannot possibly be mad at that.

the thing is, we are waiting for an absentee parental figure to keep their word. patriarchal, top-down “leadership” is a direct replica of plantation systems. in the nuclear family model, the workplace, and government entities.

I’m tired just like anyone else is. I’m not fighting with my fellow tired folk. because that doesn’t get us anywhere. also, we can’t make it if we don’t let ourselves be tired!

what we need is rest. we need security and cover while we rest. that was never part of the system of policing. that’s a job for community. actual community, not a bunch of ppl you circle jerk with online/ on panels/ in workshops/ at conferences.

it’s gonna take time for ppl to unlearn and do something different. I choose to be transparent about my process. about my shifting. I share because I like to document my experiences; the bonus is when ppl learn from me. I’m always happy to share

the time to make big structural changes is now. the time to shift the way we function is now. we have to learn as we go along, or we will most certainly perish. and there will be nothing to leave to those coming after us.

if we reform, it’s gotta be on the way to abolition. they’ll find ways to adapt though, as the state always does.
reform is a good distraction. we can’t start with one reform and wait on the others. there has to be constant change to cut this shit off at the knees.

which is why defunding is so scary to those invested in policing. it’s not a kill shot, but it’ll slow the beast down.

ultimately? the structures we live under get replicated in our interpersonal relationships. it’s why we have to abolish policing in our dealings with others FIRST. what happens when you stop telling on everybody? when you stop being so punishment oriented toward yourself?